


We Need To Talk About Sam.

by Hudstrige1



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Again, Drama, Dramatic, I wasn't planning it to end up this way, John is a dick, LGBT, M/M, SPN - Freeform, Some comedy I guess, Supernatural - Freeform, and homophobe, deans protective/embarrassing af, his love interest is Brendan, or in Sam's case biphobe, sam is bi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-30
Updated: 2016-06-30
Packaged: 2018-07-19 04:29:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 24,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7344946
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hudstrige1/pseuds/Hudstrige1
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam is bi. John's a dick. Dean's an overprotective brother. And Brendan has no idea what he's getting himself into.<br/>But Sammy's worth it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay-I know Sam's bi and 'Brendan' is his love interest in my other fic. I'll get to that one soon. Having writers block on that one. But until this whole 'Bram' thing came to my head, Sam wasn't gonna be bi (in this fic). I was never even planning on posting this before I posted the other one. But oh well. If you liked, please comment.

"Where is Sam?" John asks as him and Dean sit at the kitchen table in the motel they were at in Tucson, Arizona. 

All Sam had said to Dean was "I have a study group I gotta go to" before running off. So Dean just shrugged and drove home.

"He said he had some study group" Dean says. John just shrugs. "Well did he say when he would be home?" John asks. 

"No sir." 

And that's when Sam walked through the door. But when John and Sam looked over at him they were shocked by the difference.  
Sam's arm was around a girl that looked to be in his grade. She had dark brown hair and was extremely tan. She had brown eyes, was wearing a digital watch on her right wrist, and was almost taller than Sam.

"Guys, this is Autumn" is all Sam says, before he stopped and looked at them. "Hi" Autumn smiles to Dean and John. For a moment they just stare at her.

Hell, their thoughts were all over the place.

Sam had just recently turned sixteen, and had had his growth spurt, so not only were his hormones rising like something cooking in the oven, but also, since Sam's growth spurt has lead him to be more taller and more muscular, girls had a reason for their hormones to rise, too.

And specifically for Sam. 

John always fantasized about days like these, because he knew his boys were growing older, and he knew that they would be more into girls. 

He's already had his transition with Dean.

And now it was Sam's turn.

Dean and John both knew a day would come where the geek switch would flip off of Sam-well, maybe not entirely-and he would have a major attraction to girls. 

Well that day, was today.

Or maybe it had started recently sometime ago. Dean noticed Sam staring at numerous girls, but he decided to keep his mouth shut about it. 

To let Sam's hormonal little brown eyes desperately roam the schoolyard, as he held his book in front of his crotch, obviously erect. 

Dean smirked once he noticed, and just burst out laughing about it once he knew Sam was gone. 

Back in reality, John and Dean had to force their smiles. "Hi" is all they awkwardly smile back. "Sam, can we talk to you for a sec?" John fake smiles, looking at him. 

"Sure..." He awkwardly trails off, knowing he was going to get some sort of lecture. Autumn just warmly smiles at them again.

John and Dean get up, and rush Sam into the room he and Dean share, and shut the door.

"What are you thinking?" John whispers, scolding Sam, looking at him. 

"You know not to bring anyone into the motel! They could find lore!" He continues to whisper. "Or salt!"

"If she found salt wouldn't she just find it how people normally do...?" Dean awkwardly asks in confusion. "Dean" is all John says, glaring at him. Dean just raises his eyebrows and puts his hands up in mock surrender. "Just wondering..." He mutters, setting them down. 

John looks back at Sam, expecting an answer. "Dad, relax" Sam reassures. "She won't find anything. And God forbid I tell her the truth, okay? I'm not stupid."

"Did you really go to study group...?" Dean suspiciously asks him. "Yes" Sam says truthfully. "And she's in it. We've talked a couple times before and...she's cool."

"She's 'cool'?" Dean fake smiles in a fake enthusiastic tone. "Well then that makes everything okay!" He continues to purposely act joyfully. 

"You should marry her, Sam!" Dean smiles, swinging his arm, continuing to smile. Sam just rolls his eyes. "Well, relax" he says. "She's not some drug addict or anything if that's what you're thinking" he tells them. 

"I'm not thinking that" John tells him matter of fact like.

Dean thought for a moment. "He seems right, Dad" he says, looking at John.

"I mean hey; the girl wears a watch. And a digital one at that."

They then open the door and peak out to Autumn pressing the buttons on so, fiddling around with it. They close the door, Sam turning back to them.

"See?" He asks. "She's completely harmless." 

"She better be" John mutters. Sam just scoffs. "Just, can you try not to freak her out?" He asks nervously. 

"Are you telling me that you haven't yet?" Dean asks him, surprised. John couldn't help but smirk and Sam glares at Dean. "Ha-ha" he glumly fake laughs. "Just..." He starts. "We'll be fine, alright? We'll just be in here talking." 

John and Dean suddenly find that hard to believe. Dean scoffs. "Yeah" he says. "You'll talk just as you gasp up for air from sucking faces." 

Sam rolls his eyes. "Jerk."

"Bitch." 

"Enough!" John hisses at them, making the boys flinch. "Now I'll be at the police station really quick for a case" he tells them. He sees Sam's eyes sparkle and instantly turns to Dean. "Dean, keep an eye on him and the girl" John says. Sam frowns. 

"Her name is Autumn" he says, irritated. 

"Whatever" John and Dean say together.

That just makes Sam feel offended. 

They walk out of the room, Autumn just looking around the room. She notices them. Dean and John then feel that it's time to introduce themselves. "Hi" John politely smiles again. "I'm John. Sam's father." He shakes her hand. "Nice to meet you" she smiles. John let's go of her hand and steps away. "I'm Dean-his brother" Dean smiles, rapidly doing the same. "Autumn" she smiles back.

"Beautiful name."

Sam could sense flirting in his tone and just rolls his eyes behind them. Dean let's go of Autumn's hand and John says "Well I'll be at the..." 

He had to come up with some sort of lie because of Autumn.

"The market" he lies, his sons rapidly nodding for support. 

He walks to the door, grabbing the keys off the coat rack. "Nice meeting you" Autumn smiles. "Y-you too" is all John says awkwardly, before rushing out the door, just wanting to get the hell out of there. 

It's awkwardly silent between Sam, Dean, and Autumn, until Dean just claps his hands together. Sam and Autumn look at him. "Well't, I'm just gonna be watching TV" he tells them. "You guys can do what you want" he says. Dean catches himself and says "Well, not...not..." He awkwardly trails off, Sam glaring at him. "'Do'..." Dean slowly says, Sam frowning. An awkward and even somewhat nervous expression crosses Autumn's face, and Dean just quickly clears it up by saying "You know, just...hang out or something." Sam gives him a long look. "Okay" he slowly says. "We'll be in my room" he simply tells him. Dean just smiles and nods. "Have fun..." He says awkwardly. 

Autumn raises her eyebrows in surprise. Dean grows tense and says

"Well n-not too much..." Sam just glares at him. "Well I'll be over there" Dean nervously laughs, pointing to the couch. Sam and Autumn just nod, Sam looking annoyed as ever, before he and Autumn walk into the bedroom.

He closes the door behind him. 

Dean grows nervous and calls out "You know it's my room too ya know! I can pop in at any second! Like a ninja!"

He can't seem to shut up and just smacks his arm for saying such things. 

Sure he intends to embarrass his brother, but not in ways that also embarrasses himself. 

He doesn't want Autumn to get the vibe that he's...overprotective.

"H-he's just joking..." Sam slightly laughs to Autumn as they sit down on his bed. She chuckles.

Dean's sitting on the couch, trying to watch Friends, but can't help but try to hear Autumn and Sam behind the closed bedroom door.

They don't seem to be sucking faces, but rather just talking. 

At one point he hears Autumns cute sounding laugh and raises his eyebrows, surprised that Sam could make the girl laugh. 

As Friends was ending, Dean was laughing hard from something someone had said on the show. Autumn and Sam walk out of the room. Dean notices them, with no messy hair, glowing skin, or hickies on their necks. He instantly starts to pretend to cough, trying to make it look like he was never doing such a thing. He turns the TV off and stands up. They're in a hushed conversation and Autumn slightly laughs. Dean stands up straight, surprised by the chemistry they had together. "Well I should get going" Autumn smiles, turning to Dean. "My mom's expecting me. It was nice being here and meeting you. Tell your father I said bye" she smiles. Dean just smiles and nod.

"Will do..." He awkwardly smiles, a tinge of untrustworthiness still aimed towards her. "I'll see ya" Sam smiles, Autumn turning to him. "Bye Sam" she smiles. They stare at each other for a moment, just blushing, and Dean could tell that if he wasn't in the room right now; they would totally kiss. So Dean could sort of admit that he ruined their moment, but overall, he didn't really care.

If they wanted to kiss, they could've done it two hundred million times when they were in the bedroom alone. Sam and Autumn just smile at each other again before she turns away, walks over to the door, and walks out. 

Sam gives Dean an expecting look. He waited for the comments to start.

The teasing. 

He wanted to know what he thought of her. "Well...?" He slowly asks, waiting for him to say something. 

"Well..." Dean slowly repeats, awkwardly eying him. "What do you think of her?" Sam asks, raising his eyebrows. "She seems nice" Dean simply says. "For now" he adds, in a purposely dramatic tone, smirking. Sam scoffs. "Shut up" he smiles. Dean laughs. "Well I heard her laugh in there" Dean starts to tease. "What was she laughin' at; how dorky your hair looks?" He smiles. 

"Probably by how dorky your hair looks" Sam smiles back.

"My hair, is my best feature" Dean says with purpose confidence, stroking so lightly with his fingers.

"I thought you said it was your 'perky nipples'."

"That too." 

John then walks in, his sons noticing. John closes the door. "I'm back" he announces, looking at them standing there.

"Autumn says bye" is all Dean greets him. 

The boys just stare at him as he gives them an odd look. 

John looks at Sam, and Sam proudly smiles. 

John just closes his eyes and smiles without showing his teeth, looks down and slowly shakes his head. 

He's gonna have a lot to adjust to.


	2. Here's A Suvonier

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam has a hickey

The next morning, the boys are getting ready for the day; and Sam awkwardly approaches Dean in the bathroom. Dean is brushing his teeth and perks up when he sees Sam awkwardly standing in the bathroom. He turns on the water, spits, cleans his face, washes the brush and turns the water off. 

"It's all yours" Dean says, setting his toothbrush down and looking at Sam.

But that wasn't the reason Sam was approaching him. "Dean...?" He awkwardly asks.

"Yeah...?" Dean slowly asks, raising an eyebrow. 

Sam's silent, his face redding up. "Sam what is it" Dean asks, curious but impatient. 

"Can I borrow your cologne...?" Sam slowly asks, scrunching up his face. 

Dean's silent.

He just stares at him.

"No" he finally says, glumly and tiredly.

Sam frowns. "Why?" He asks, growing aggravated. "Oh since when are you one to wear cologne" Dean asks, furrowing his brow.

Sam freezes and starts to sweat, making Dean snicker. "I knew it" he smiles. "It's because of Autumn, isn't it?" He smiles. 

Sam's frozen, quiet and pale.

"No..."

"Yes it is!" Dean laughs. 

"So what if it is?" Sam asks, frowning. "Like you haven't worn cologne to get a girl?"

"Well I would be lying if I said I hadn't. But now, I wear cologne to smell nice. Not to pick up chicks."

"Then tell me exactly why is the cologne called 'Sex Serenade'" Sam says, frowning.

"Hey! I can't help the labels!" Dean protests. 

They start to argue and John yells "Boys!" From the kitchen. "Quit fighting over the bathroom! I haven't had my coffee yet." 

The boys just sigh and look at each other. 

"You suck" is all Sam says.

"Well you're a wannabe" Dean tells him.

"It's your cologne, Dean!" Sam says, dumbfounded, spreading his arms out. "Well you don't see me wearing it for girls!" Dean yells. 

"I JUST WANT TO SMELL NICE!" Sam yells.

"Then wear deodorant. I don't have time for your antics, Samantha." 

Sam huffs as Dean walks out. 

"Traitor!" Sam calls out. 

He looks in the mirror, and figures that if he couldn't wear cologne, then he could at least do something else to make him seem more attractive.

"Hey" Sam says casually, greeting John and Dean as he simply walks into the kitchen.

John almost spits out out his coffee. 

Dean just raises his eyebrows. 

"Gel your hair, Sammy...?" He slowly asks, feeling creeped out. 

"What's it to you?" Sam asks, looking at him, suddenly getting defensive, squinting his eyes. 

"Don't be such a smart ass" Dean tells him, frowning. Sam rolls his eyes, and turns to John, who's setting down his coffee. 

"Dad?"

John looks at him.

"Do you like my new look?"

"Well it's not really a 'look.' You just gelled your hair" he states.

"So you like it?" Sam hopefully smiles. 

"Uh huh..." John says awkwardly, before just grabbing his mug and gulping down his coffee.

Sam just mindlessly shrugs and walks over next to Dean. Dean coughs into his elbow.  
"Loser."  
Sam glares at him. "Dean, cut it out" John tells him, exasperated. 

Sam scoffs. "Jealous?" He asks. 

Dean bursts out laughing, a long gasping inhuman coming out of his mouth. John and Sam both flinch, looking at Dean as he drops to the ground, silently laughing.

"Oh-oh man" he smiles, his eyes closed. He starts to laugh again. Sam frowns. "Someone like me, does not get jealous of someone like you" he smiles, standing up and looking at Sam. Sam glares at him.  
"You do realize that the only thing you have to flaunt in my face is how many times you've been laid" Sam snaps. "Sam" John scolds. "At least I can get laid" Dean says to Sam. "Shut up!" Sam yells. "That's enough. Stop it. Both of you" John tells them, glaring. Sam storms out of the motel. John glares at Dean. "Great, Dean. Now he's gonna go out there and probably fuck that girl" John says. Dean scoffs. "Dad, relax, if I know Sam, and I do, then he doesn't have the guts. He can't even fuck himself." John stares at him.  
"But then again," Dean says. "When I returned home the other day he was acting a little weird-" "I get it" John snaps.  
"Just-I wouldn't worry about it, okay? I mean, it's Sam" Dean says. 

Later that day, home from school, Sam walked through the door with a hickey on his neck. John was out, and Dean took instant notice.  
"What is that?" He interrogates, stomping up to him and pointing to his neck. "A buffalo. What do you think, Dean?" Sam asks. "So what? You and Autumn screw in her car?" Dean asks, hoping that the hickey was the only souvenir he had.  
"Autumn broke up with me."  
Dean contemplates at him.  
"...What?"  
"Yeah. After she gave me a hickey. I would've covered it up, but I decided to show it off so the school wouldn't think that I'm a total loser. But now I'll do anything to make it disappear" Sam explains.  
Dean continues to stare at him, absorbing everything Sam had said to him.  
"So...she just gave you a hickey?" He asks, blinking.  
"Unfortunately" Sam says with a smirk. Dean smacks him in the shoulder, and Sam chuckles. Dean smirks, taking his hand away. "So...are you doing okay? You know with her breaking up with you and all?" Dean asks.  
"Dean, she gave me a hickey. I'm more than okay" Sam answers. Dean can't help but laugh, and smiles "Well okay, that makes sense." Sam grins. "Why'd she break up with you?" Dean asks him, suddenly curious.  
"Dean, I have a hickey. I don't really care."  
"Such a gentleman" Dean jokes. Sam laughs. "So, what do we do?" Sam asks. "Well, first, we high five. And then, we cover up that sucker." Sam snickers. "High five me" says Dean. Sam smirks.  
And they high five.  
"So Sam how are things going with you and that Autumn girl?" John asks him later in the day, Sam's hickey covered up. Sam turns beat red. "Oh yeah. Uh... We broke up..." He lies. "She dumped him" Dean announces, walking past them, and out the door. John stares at Sam, who's turned pale. "Why?" He asks. "Uh...just...I dunno...she wouldn't say. But I'm fine. I have homework...." He says, quickly walking into his room and shutting the door.


	3. Oh Boy.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John knows.

Chapter Three: Oh, Boy.   
"Why are you so happy?" Dean teases to Sam, noticing he's been smirking ever since he got back home from school. Sam freezes. "I'm not happy." Dean frowns.   
"Well-I mean I'm not sad, but I'm fine," Sam clarifies. "You've been smirking for the last twenty minutes. You and Autumn make up and make out?" Dean asks. "No. It's been two weeks since she broke up with me."   
"You mean dumped you."  
"Same thing."   
"Not really."   
Sam scoffs in defense. "But I'm fine. Seriously."   
"You're acting really suspicious, though..." Dean says, squinting. "I am not!" Sam slightly laughs, blushing. Dean scoffs. "Okay..." He sing songs in a whisper.   
That same night, when Dean opens the pizza box John bought home, he frowns. "Who wanted pineapple?" He asks, gazing at the half pineapple half pepperoni pizza pie. "I did" Sam says, walking into the room, crossing his arms. Dean looks at him. "Since when do you like pineapple on pizza?" He asks. "For a couple of days now, I guess..." Sam answers, walking up to the counter and retrieving a slice. "Okay...weirdo..." Dean responds. "Dean, it's not the end of the world. Your brother's allowed to expand his tastes" John tells him, making Sam laugh and give Dean a smart look. Dean rolls his eyes.   
"Things are getting weird around here, Jo" Dean tells his friend Jo the next day at the local hardware store, their place of employment. "I want to know who's making Sammy smirk so much and getting him into pineapple pizza."   
"Dean, don't you think your overreacting just a little bit?" She asks him. "What? No. I want to know what's going on with him."   
"Maybe he's seeing someone."  
"What?"   
"I said maybe he's seeing someone. Think about it." Jo tells him, raising her eyebrows. Dean stares at her.   
When he returns home, he goes into their room. He starts to search around Sam's bed, lifting up the mattress and emptying out the pillow cases. Out falls a condom, and he freezes. His mouth is dry. He tries not to shake. He hears someone walk into the motel. "Sam?!" He yells. He puts the condom back in the pillowcase, setting the pillow down. Sam walks into the room, with a black eye, and bruises all over his face. "What happened to you?!" Dean yells.   
"I got beat up..."   
"No shit. By who?"  
"A couple guys at school."   
"Who are they?!"  
"I don't know their names. But they're seniors."  
"Did you fight back?"  
"Yeah; I sent them away. But they still jacked up my face, if you can't tell." "Let's get you cleaned up" Dean tells him, taking him out of the room.   
Sitting in the kitchen, Sam holds an ice pack to his face, as he watches Dean pace around the room. "I'm sorry, Dean." "Don't you dare apologize. This isn't your fault."   
Dean stops pacing and looks at him. "It kind of is..."  
"How?"   
"They kept telling me to...call someone I know a faggot. But I refused to. So they beat me up for punishment."  
Dean's eyes widen. He stares at him. "You did the right thing, Sammy...but you didn't deserve to get beat up."   
"I know..." Sam looks away, and wipes his tears. "Sam. Hey." Dean walks over to him, and hugs him. "It's gonna be okay, Sammy. You're gonna be okay." Sam hugs him back for a few seconds, and pulls away. He sets the ice pack down. "I would've rather ended up in the hospital from getting beat so bad than call that kid what they wanted me to call him." He admits. "Not that they should have, but if they were gonna beat someone up, why didn't they just go after him?" Dean asks, not seeing why they had to take their beating out on his brother. Sam stares into space. He ignores his question. "Sam, can I ask you something?" Dean asks. Sam turns beat red. "Yeah..."  
Dean gulps. "Are you having sex?"   
Sam softly sighs.   
"It's okay if you are, man. I found the condom in your pillowcase and if you are, then...I just don't want you getting anyone pregnant."   
Sam chortles. "You don't have to worry about that. Seriously."   
"Well, are you? Having sex?"  
"No. Not yet, at least. I've been thinking about it, and...when the time comes I wanna be prepared." He answers. Dean nods. "Well when you do have sex, just, respect the girl, okay? Don't lead her on. And no means no."   
Sam nods. "I would never do something like that."   
"I know, but, I'm just saying: hormones are a bitch."   
Sam scoffs. "Yeah..." He stares into space.   
"Don't worry Sammy. Everything's gonna be okay."   
"Yeah...I know..." He gets up, and walks into their room, closing the door behind him.   
Dean exhales. He knows that something else is bothering Sam, and that it's not just the beating he took.  
Six days later, Dean decides to check inside Sam's pillow case, and sees that the condom isn't there anymore. He's not going to automatically assumed he had sex. Maybe he just moved the condom somewhere else, like to in his pocket or his wallet. But an hour later, when Dean tells him "so I can't help but notice that the condom that was in your pillowcase is gone", Sam looks at him, scoffs, smirks, and walks away.   
He defiantly had sex. Dean decides not to ask for details right away.   
But two days later, he notices that the relationship between Sam and John is more tense than usual.   
They walk into the graveyard, with salt, shovels and lighters. John and Sam refuse to look at each other.   
After they dug up the grave, Sam struggles to work the lighter. Dean scoffs and smirks, thinking that it's funny. "Just let me do it, Sam" John grunts to him.   
"I got it, Dad!" Sam snaps to him. "Dammit Samuel" John growls, snatching the lighter from him. "Fuck!" Sam yells in anger, scowling at him. "Okay that's it! What happened between you guys that I don't know about?!" Dean orders. Sam glares at John, and John looks away. Dean let's out a sharp sigh.   
"Fine. Don't tell me."   
John sets fire to the grave, and the ride back to the motel is filled with the sound of silence.   
Once they're home, Sam slams the door when he storms into he and Dean's room. Dean frowns, and pulls John aside.   
"What's going on between you two?"  
"Nothing, Dean. Just drop it."   
Dean thinks about why John could be so upset with Sam. It clicks, and he looks at him.   
"Did you find out he had sex?"   
John's eyes widen. Dean freezes, realizing that John didn't know. "Dammit" he whispers.   
"Oh, I knew it. I knew Sam had sex with him" John whispers. Dean's mouth drops open.   
"'Him'?"


	4. Take My Advice Kiddo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam opens up to Dean

Chapter Four: "'Him'?!" Dean asks John, in a hushed tone so that Sam doesn't hear. "Yes, him. It all happened yesterday."  
"What happened yesterday?"  
"I was walking by your room. I heard him moan the name 'Brendan'. I went in there, and he was touching himself. He yelled at me, and immediately asked who Brendan was. He refused to tell me anything, except that 'I can't control who he's attracted to'."  
Dean frowns. "Well, Dad he's right. You can't control who he's attracted to. So he's probably fucking a guy from school. So what?"  
"Did he tell you anything about this?" John demands.  
"Last week I found a condom in his pillowcase. A couple days ago I noticed it was gone. I asked him about it and he just had this smirk on his face. It's obvious he used it."  
John huffs.  
"But who's to say he had sex with this Brendan guy? He could just be someone he gets off to. He could've had sex with someone else entirely."  
"I hope so" John mutters. Dean snaps.  
"You know Dad, you're gonna have to get used to the fact that your son might be bi. Hell, maybe even gay. Which gender your son is attracted to, shouldn't affect you negativity in the slightest."  
"A man should be with a woman. That's the way it's supposed to work. Homosexuality is just not natural, Dean."  
"Where the fuck are you getting that from?" Dean spits, scowling at him.  
"It's fact, Dean. Sam's young. He's confused, and probably blind sighted by Autumn breaking up with him. It's just his hormones playing mind tricks on him."  
"So you're telling me that when you were his age you thought about guys, too?" Dean interrogates.  
"No. I didn't. When I was his age, we were never exposed to those kinds of things. Now sex, sexuality, and all this other nonsense is what society focuses on."  
"You're telling me that you think that this generation is what made him this way?"  
"It's what had to."  
"You're a fucking idiot."  
John growls at him, before storming into his sons' room. "Dad!" Dean yells. Sam wakes up from previously dozing off. "Hm?" He asks.  
"Who are you having sex with" John orders. Sam frowns, and sits up. "I'm sorry?"  
"I know you're having sex, Samuel. Now just answer the question."  
"Dad, get out" Dean tells him, walking into the room. "No. I want to hear what he has to say."  
Sam continues to frown. "I'm not...having sex..." He explains, in a confused tone. "But you took the condom out of your pillowcase!" Dean exclaims.  
"Yeah, and now it's somewhere else, still unused. You told Dad?"  
"When I asked you about it though, you had this smirk on your face; what was that all about?" Dean asks.  
"I was just messing with you. I swear. I'm not having sex."  
"Yet." Dean finishes.  
"Guys, I couldn't be happier that we had this conversation, and all, but I'm getting very uncomfortable..." He states.  
"Where's the condom now." John asks.  
"I'm not gonna tell you."  
"Who are you thinking about having sex with. Is it that Brendan kid, that boy's name who I heard you scream?!" John raises his voice. Sam flinches. "Dad!" Dean yells.  
"I'm not having sex with Brendan" Sam snaps to John. "Then who the fuck is he?" John asks. "No one you need to know about."  
"Tell me who he is, Samuel. Now."  
"Dad, just drop it. Since when is it any of your business?" Sam asks. "You're my son, Samuel. I have the right to know who you're hanging around."  
"Really, 'cause if this was a girl, you wouldn't give a shit. If I moaned a girls name when you were walking by, you wouldn't have given a shit. You would've just kept walking. But since it was a boys name, you barged in and started accusing me of fucking a guy." Sam snaps.  
This leaves John speechless.  
"Just because Brendan and I aren't having sex yet, doesn't mean that we haven't done other things, so far" Sam slyly suggests, raising his eyebrows. Dean's eyes widen.  
"He gave you the hickey..." He quietly states.  
"No. I swear Autumn did. And I liked it. Seriously. But she still dumped me."  
Dean snickers, and Sam grimaces.  
"But Brendan gave me a couple of other things" Sam says, with a sly smile. Dean chuckles, but John frowns. "I hope this phase doesn't last long." He states.  
Sam chortles. "I've been going through this 'phase', since the first grade."  
"You've been fooling around with guys since the first grade?!" Dean cries.  
"No, Dean I meant I realized I was bisexual in the first grade, you idiot. Gross." Sam says, cringing.  
John sighs, rubbing his temples.  
"Dad, you're the one that told me I'm allowed to 'expand my tastes'" Sam tells him sharply.  
"I was talking about food, not...people!" John tells him. Sam suddenly grows tense, and looks down. "Whatever...just...forget it..." He mutters, getting up. As he walks past Dean, he softly says "Sammy," trying to touch him. But Sam leaves the room, slamming the door.  
It's quiet between Dean and John for a good ten seconds, until Dean opens his mouth.  
"I don't get it. If Sam and I can accept you for your shitty ass father skills, why can't you accept that he likes to take it up the ass and stick it in?"  
John stares at him.  
Dean leaves, and another door slam is heard.  
He finds him sitting outside the motel, on the sidewalk. His arms are crossed and he grimaces into the space. He notices that he had been crying. His nose is red and eyes are moist.  
"Hey buddy..." Dean says quietly, walking up behind him. Sam looks at him. "Hi..."  
Dean walks over and sits down next to him. "You know I don't give a shit that you're bi, right? In fact, I'm glad. The more the merrier. Do you know how many awesome threesomes you can have? And plus, I can tease you about girls and boys now." Dean explains.  
Sam snickers. "Thanks, Dean." He smiles.  
"So you're...what. Friends with benefits with a guy?" Dean guesses. "Yeah. Brendan. He's in my grade. We haven't had actual sex yet. But...we've done other things..." Sam confesses, blushing. "Like...?" Dean chirps, smirking.  
Sam turns beat red. "Oral...sex..."  
"Say the word, Sammy: blowjob. You gave each other blowjobs. You sucked each other off." Dean elaborates. Sam continues to blush, biting his lip. "Yeah, haha..." Dean can tell he's embarrassed by their topic of conversation.  
"So, how was it? Getting sucked off?" Dean asks. "How do you think it was?" Sam asks, smirking. Dean scoffs. "Okay, smartass. You give him one too?" He asks.  
"Yeah."  
"How'd you do?"  
"What?" Sam asks, cringing.  
"Like, did he cum?" Dean pries.  
"Dean!" Sam yells, blushing. Dean cackles.  
It's quiet. Dean decides to ask one more question:  
"Did you swallow it?"  
"Ew! Ew ew ew!" Sam yells, cringing at him. Dean laughs. "Okay I'll stop. I swear" he smiles. "What's Brendan like? Besides that he's good with his mouth."  
Sam glares at him, before saying "Besides hooking up with each other, he's really really nice. He's gay. He's not just in it for the sex, ya know? He cares about me. And I care about him too."  
"You think he likes you romantically, too?"  
"I dunno. He cares about me, but I doubt he would...date me..."  
"Does he kiss you when you guys hook up?"  
"Yeah, why?"  
Dean snaps his fingers. "That's a good sign."  
"How?" Sam asks. "Do you know how many girls I've just hooked up with? Like, not even kissing before we start doing it, but just getting straight to doing it?" Dean asks.  
"So you guys kiss when you get together?" He adds.  
"Yeah, we just make out a little before doing oral and stuff-" Dean gives him a death glare. Sam huffs. "Giving each other blowjobs" Sam sharply corrects, glaring at him.  
"That a boy."  
Sam chortles, before before continuing. "And he usually kisses me before we say goodbye."  
"How does he kiss you?"  
"What?"  
"Like, is it soft and slow, or does he just shove you against the wall and do it rough?"  
"He usually grabs my chin with his finger and slowly pulls me in. They're soft and slow. Sometimes they get rough, but they always start out the same way."  
"Dude. He's like, in fucking love with you."  
"Dean, c'mon" Sam says doubtfully.  
"Dude! Listen. To me! Kisses, tell everything, okay? Believe me. I know this stuff."  
Sam flashes a small toothless smile, and looks away. "Thanks...uh, so have you?" He looks at him.  
"Have I what?"  
"Have you ever, like, done stuff with guys?"  
"Have you never met me?"  
Sam laughs.  
"Like, I would never date one. But they're really good for hooking up with. Sam, I swear when you finally have sex with this guy, you will never be the same. Sex-any sex, guy or girl-is pretty fucking great."  
Sam smirks. "Can't wait..." He says in a playful tone, shaking his fists.  
They laugh.  
"So what does he look like? He cute?" Dean asks. Sam grins. "That word is an understatement. Hot wouldn't even be a good word to describe how good looking he is."  
Dean smirks. "Well damn this guy sounds almost as good looking as me" jokes.  
They laugh.  
"Well Sam, fuck what Dad thinks. Make this guy your boyfriend. Fuck him on the couch. Okay don't fuck him on the couch that's where we watch TV-but just find ways to piss Dad off, ya know? Date him, Sam! Wait. Not yet. Not until I meet him. I want to make sure he's not just good at fucking you. But loving you too."  
Sam giggles, and actually has to blink back tears.  
"I don't...I don't even want Dad's approval anymore, Dean...I just want yours."  
"Well, you got it, kiddo." He pats his back. Sam smiles, and leans on him.  
He then allows to let the tears of joy go down his face.


	5. Meet The Brother

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean meets Brendan.  
> And annoys the shit out of Sam which Sam does not enjoy.   
> Sam breaks down because of John.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!!!!!!!!!!!! :))))))   
> If you enjoyed please let me know! <3

Chapter Five: Meet The Brother  
After the 'incident', John and Sam refuse to speak to each other.   
The next morning, as Sam's getting ready for school, John announces he's driving to Arkansas for a hunt.   
"Take all the time you need" Sam mutters, running a comb through his hair, standing in front of the mirror in the bathroom.   
"I love you, Sammy."  
That makes Sam slam his comb down on the sink, and swing around. He stares John dead in the eyes.   
"Do you really?"  
This catching John off guard, he opens his mouth but doesn't speak for the first few seconds.   
"Of course I do."  
"Just leave, Dad."   
John sighs, knowing that he's lost all of his son's trust.   
And possibly even his love, as well.

Seven hours later, once Dean returns home from work and is raiding the refrigerator, he receives a call from Sam.  
"What. I'm eating."   
"Hey, uh...can a bring home a friend, so we can study?"  
"Who are they?"  
After seven seconds of Sam not speaking, Dean grins.  
"Brendan?"  
"Yeah. I-is that alright?"   
"Yeah! Yeah that's fine, just...if you're gonna, do stuff-"  
"Dean! Geez, no! We're just gonna hang out. We'll be in the kitchen, you can watch us the whole time. I swear."   
"Okay...can't wait to meet your boyfriend," he teases.  
"He's not my boyfriend..." Sam snaps.   
"Yet." Dean corrects.   
Sam scoffs, and Dean can tell he's blushing.   
"Okay...thanks Dean. Bye."   
Dean laughs. "Nice one."  
Sam just smiles and rolls his eyes, before hanging up.

"Dean, this is Brendan."  
"DUH, Sammy. You've already told me about him like a BAJLLION TRILLION times," Dean instantly starts to embarrass him.   
And he succeeds. "Oh my God..." Sam quietly whispers, turning beat red.   
Brendan, who stands next to Sam, chuckles.   
"Sammy's right, Brendan. You ARE pretty attractive. Or from what he told me 'sexy'."  
It's Brendan's turn to blush, and he flashes a tiny yet awkward smile. He glances at Sam, who's on the verge of sinking down to the floor in embarrassment.   
"Nice to meet you" Brendan genuinely smiles.  
"Please. It feels like I've known you forever since ALL Sam does it tell me about you."   
"Dean!" Sam grunts, finally having enough. This time Brendan laughs, making Sam blush again. Dean sees the way Brendan gazes at him, and decides to leave them alone-but still in earshot so they don't do anything that can scar Dean for life-so they can just confirm their damn relationship with each other, already.   
"I'll be in my room...watching TV...with the door open..."   
"You do that, Dean. We'll just be studying at the table."   
"Good luck with that" is all Dean says, before walking into his room, leaving the door halfway open.   
Brendan grins at Sam, and again, Sam blushes.   
"I feel like I need to write an apology letter to describe HOW sorry I am about my pain of a brother." Sam tells him.   
Brendan chuckles. "Please. Don't worry. You TOLD me he was gonna probably embarrass you."  
"Yeah. 'Embarrass' me. THAT was a whole new level."  
Brendan smiles, and they walk over to the kitchen table, setting their backpacks down.   
"What..." Sam smiles, noticing that Brendan keeps staring at him.   
"Do you really...tell him about me?" Brendan smiles.  
Sam blushes. "Well...yeah." He smiles at him. Brendan blushes, asking "About...what we do?"   
"He kinda forced it out of me."   
Brendan snickers.   
"I tell Maria about you. I mean-not about what we do, she's eleven. But...she knows who are, and stuff." He references his sister.   
"Really?" Sam grins at him.   
"Fuckin' soulmates" Dean whispers to him, sitting on his bed and listening to his conversation, his TV not even turned on.   
'Friends can wait' he thinks.  
Ten minutes into studying, Brendan asks "So, what about the rest of your family?"   
Sam looks at him, blushing. "What?"  
"Should I have not asked-?"  
"No! No. It's-fine. My Mom passed away when I was six months old. I never met her...o-obviously."   
"I'm sorry. That must be hard to think about."  
"Yeah..." Sam nods. "And, my Dad goes on lots of business trips for his job. He just left for Arkansas this morning."   
"My Dad lives in Florida" Brendan tells him. "They're divorced...he and my Mom..."   
"You guys' close?"  
"Yeah, we talk every day on the phone, but it's hard only seeing him in the summer..."  
"That's not too far away," Sam suggests.   
After several seconds of silence, Brendan asks "What about you and your Dad?"  
"What?"  
"Are you guys' close?"  
"Oh. Uh..." Sam trails off. "I'm kinda closer to my brother." He answers.   
Dean smirks.   
"That's nice. Maria and I barely talk unless we're arguing about something stupid."   
Sam laughs. "She's young. You'll grow closer as you guys get older."   
Brendan smiles at him. There's a knock on the door, and Sam says "I'll get it," standing up.  
"Well it would've been weird if I got it" Brendan teases him. "Shut up" Sam quietly laughs, blushing. Brendan smirks, and Sam goes to answer the door.   
"Autumn?" He asks, frowning once he sees her. "Hey." She bites her bottom lip. "Can I come in?"   
"Um, not trying to be rude, but...I'm in the middle of something important."   
"Oh..." She gives him a gentle look. "Sorry..."  
"But if you still want to talk to me at school tomorrow-"  
"It's fine...I get it. Bye..." She closed the door before Sam can say anything else. He furrows his brow.   
"Who was that?" Brendan whispers to Dean, who had walked out of his room, and over to the kitchen table. "They had a thing a while back. But she ended it" Dean explains.  
"What?" Brendan asks, as Sam walks over to them. "Sorry. That was just Autumn from school" he explains.   
"You had a thing with her?" Brendan asks him. Sam freezes. "Um, kinda, I guess, but, it's over now..." He turns pale.   
"You told me you were gay." Dean's eyes widen. "You WHAT?" He asks Sam. "I..." He trails off, his face turning from pale to bright red.   
"I was too embarrassed to tell you that I was actually...bi. I thought you wouldn't wanna...hook up with me."   
"Why would you think that?"   
"I just-I'm sorry." Sam apologizes, before walking out of the motel.   
Dean looks at Brendan, and instantly says "PLEASE don't be mad at him."  
"I'm not" says Brendan. "I just don't know why he'd lie to me. As long as he still...likes guys then I'm fine."   
Dean chuckles. "You know he DOESN'T like Autumn anymore, right? He likes YOU. All he talks about is YOU."   
"He does?" Brendan asks softly, his eyes widening.   
"Go out there" Dean tells him.   
Brendan runs out of the motel, entering the parking lot. "Sam?" He asks, not seeing him anywhere. "Sam!" He yells, running further down the lot. Heart now beating fast, he runs back into the motel, looking at Dean who's still standing in the same spot.   
"Sam's gone."


	6. Finding Sammy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We get flashbacks about what led Sam and Brendan to become friends with benefits. You see how Brendan's always felt about him.   
> In the present, Sam pushes him away, and we get a glimpse of Brendan's home life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes this chapter title is a Finding Nemo reference.

Finding Sammy:  
Dean and Brendan scream Sam's name, running far away from the motel, and onto the road. "Where do you think he could have gone?" Brendan asks him, as they walk into the grass after seeing a car driving towards them   
"No idea. But we'll find him." He takes out his phone, dialing Sam's number.  
They stop walking, once Dean holds the phone to his ear.   
"He's on the other line" he states, after the line rings several times.  
Brendan sighs, texting him.  
'Are you okay? Worried about you'.  
John's voicemail plays into Sam's ear. He stands in the far end of the woods, many miles away from Dean and Brendan.   
The beep sounds.   
"Hey Dad...guess where I am?"   
He begins to cry.  
"I'm in the fucking woods. Not knowing what to do with my piece of shit self because I lied to Brendan saying I was gay when I'm actually bi. But you know what? I WISH I was gay. Just to piss you off even more. Fuck you. You're supposed to love your children no matter what, yet you do this shit? Go fuck yourself!" He starts to raise his voice.  
"MOM would accept me. MOM would LOVE me! Unlike you! You love me as much as you claim? WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS SHIT TO ME?!" He shouts.  
"I don't care if you live or die. I don't care if I live or die. You'd be glad if I was dead. You want your fucking wish? Here it is."   
He starts sobbing, dropping to the ground. He still holds the phone to his ear.   
"BURN IN HELL!" He shouts.   
The message stops.   
Sam screams, chucking his phone at a nearby tree.   
He screams and curses at the top of his lungs. Dean and Brendan sprint over to him.   
"Sam! Hey!" Dean shouts, pulling him close.   
"NO! NO!" Sam shouts. Dean let's go. Brendan takes his hand, pulling him close.   
"It's okay. It's okay" he whispers to him.  
Sam sobs into his shoulder.   
"WHY DOESN'T HE LOVE ME?!" He sobs into his shoulder, muffled.   
"Who is he talking about?" Brendan whispers to Dean.   
"Our Dad..." Dean reveals.   
Sam continues to cry, now into Brendan's chest.   
"Hey" he whispers, wrapping his arms around Sam.   
"It's okay. We got you."   
"No! You don't!" Sam yells, looking at him and gripping onto his shoulders.   
He continues to cry into his chest.   
Brendan squeezes him tight. "Let's get you back" he tells him softly.  
They slowly lead him back to the motel, sitting him down at the kitchen table.  
"You don't deserve to have to deal with someone like me" Sam tells Brendan.  
"Excuse me?"   
"I'm just gonna fuck you up..."   
"Sam you don't know what you're saying" Dean tells him worriedly.   
"Yes. I do. Our lives are already fucked up enough and you know it." Sam says to Dean.   
Dean sighs.  
"You can tell me anything" Brendan tells Sam.  
"No. I can't."   
"Would you like me to leave?" Brendan blinks back tears.   
"Goodbye Brendan..."   
Tears go down Brendan's face. "Brendan he's just really shaken up. He doesn't mean what he's saying" Dean tries to assure.  
"Yes I do!" Sam shrieks.   
Brendan's stomach drops, before saying "I think I should go..."  
"Do you want me to take you home?" Dean asks. "I can walk, thank you" Brendan answers shyly.   
He exits the motel. Sam continues to sob.   
"Why would he do this to me?!" He yells.   
Dean knows he means John.   
Dean hugs him gently. "I don't know Sammy. But he's gonna pay. I'll make sure of it."  
He glares at the wall, never wanting to hurt John more than he wants to right now in this moment.

On his way home, Brendan walks by a nearby gas station.   
Three older teenage boys are standing outside in the parking lot, smoking cigarettes.   
Not wanting to have an asthma attack, Brendan focuses his eyes on the ground, walking faster.  
"Hey Brendan." One of the boys call out.   
He stops walking, refusing to look up at them.   
"Remember us?" Another teases.   
The boys that had beaten up Sam because he refused to call Brendan that one gay slur.   
He gulps.  
The three boys put out their cigarettes.  
"Sam took his beating."   
They start walking towards him.   
"Now it's your turn."   
Brendan starts to sprint away. But he can't disappear fast enough.  
After getting the shit beat out of him in the woods, he practically crawls into his home. His mother Jeanette takes notice, almost the dropping the dishes she's drying.  
"Was this because of Sam?" She asks him, cleaning his bruised lip-his one of many injuries-with a wet paper towel.   
He now sits down in one of the kitchen chairs, in front of the table.   
"Yeah..." He shyly admits. "They kept calling me...slurs. Kept teasing me about him. And not in a friendly way."   
His mother sighs, taking the paper towel away. "I mean, I don't get it. We're not even DATING" Brendan clarifies.   
"You're probably making your crushes on each other very obvious at school," she suggests.   
He blushes almost instantly.   
"Sam does NOT like me, Mom."   
"If he didn't like you back, those kids wouldn't just tease about you liking him. They tease about both of you liking each OTHER because you two DO like each other." She explains.  
It's Brendan's turn to sigh.   
"They're only claiming he likes me back just to be jerks. Just an excuse to be mean to him, too." He attempts to reason.   
"Whatever you say," Says Jeanette, throwing out the towel.   
"I don't like that you're getting hurt because of this" she tells him. "I have no problem with you being gay and liking another boy, but I think you guys' should stop hanging out with each other. For the sake of the way people treat you. And him as well." She suggests firmly.  
"No, Mom! That means they win. Being with Sam is what MAKES me happy. I know you don't want us getting hurt. But we're just gonna have to deal with the fact that not everyone is going to agree with us. He's...He's worth it."   
He wipes new tears off of his face.  
Jeanette walks over to where he sits, wiping his tears.   
"He lied to me saying he was gay. He's actually bi" he tells her.  
"Now why would he lie?" She wonders.  
"He thought I wouldn't like him. I don't know why he thought that." Brendan answers.   
"I like him for him."   
"I know you do" he's told softly, before having his tears wiped away, again.   
"Why are you home so early? I thought you said you would be there much longer."  
A lump forms in Brendan's throat. "Uh...Sam had some sort of breakdown...his Dad...I doesn't think he accepts him."  
"And his Mom?"  
"She died when he was younger."  
"Then who takes care of him?"   
"His brother. He's like, nineteen. His Dad's away a lot."   
"Should I call child services?"   
Brendan flinches. "No. It's-It's just emotional abuse, Mom. Not saying it's right, but...he has his brother."   
"Where do they live?"  
"A motel. He told me they're gonna try and get an apartment, soon."   
"Well if they ever want to stay here, they're always welcome. But no funny business."   
"Mom" Brendan grunts.   
She chuckles.   
"Those boys' that did this to you are sick" she returns to being serious.   
"I am CALLING that school."   
"Mom, no" Brendan begs.   
"Don't tell me not to, Brendan! It's ludicrous! I'm not sure if I even want you going BACK there!" She scolds.   
"No! Mom! I-I need to go there. I need to see him." 

The next morning, Sam won't even get out of bed. Dean has to force him up, and when Sam does get up, he basically drags himself out of the room.   
"You doing alright?" Dean asks, following him.  
"I hate everything."  
"Don't let the fact that Dad's a bastard ruin the feelings Brendan has for you."   
"What feelings, Dean?! He probably hates me. DAD hates me. I hate me."   
"Don't say that shit, Sam!" Dean yells. "Just because Dad's a homophobic ass, doesn't mean he doesn't LOVE you. Brendan does NOT hate you. He's crazy about you. How the hell can you not see that?! Don't let your struggles change the way you think of yourself. You're a great kid. PLEASE realize that." Dean tells him.  
Sam starts to cry. "I left Dad a REALLY cruel voicemail message, yesterday. Telling him I hope he burns in Hell."  
"Let him" Dean mutters. "Dean!" Sam chides.   
"What if Brendan's mad at me for lying..." Sam speaks softly.   
"He's not MAD. He's just confused. He doesn't like you any less. Now go to school, kiss him hard, and show him off to everyone."   
Sam stares at him, only able to scoff.   
"We'll see."   
At Brendan's house, his eleven year-old sister Maria asks him in their kitchen, asks him "Why would those guys' do that to you?"   
Jeanette, who's washing her hands at the sink, only tells her "Because they're not nice boys', honey."   
"Yeah, but WHY?" Maria continues asking questions. "I should get going." Brendan avoids explaining everything to her.  
"Are you gonna see that boy?"  
Brendan blushes, knowing exactly who she means.   
"What's his name again? Sam?"   
"Yeah...Sam." Even his name just makes Brendan smile.

Brendan enters the tenth grade hallway, instantly starting to search for Sam. People stare at him, obviously wondering what had happened.   
Sam, who's putting his things away into his locker, freezes once he notices Autumn walking up to him. "Hey..." He greets, putting his one last textbook away and closing his locker.   
"Hi..."  
"Sorry I couldn't let you in, yesterday. Something was going on."  
"It's okay. Uh...I was thinking...breaking up with you was stupid."  
"What?" Sam blushes. "Yeah. I was going through some stuff and...I was just pushing people away. So, if you ever...wanna get back together or something..." She trails off.   
"Oh...uh, I can't..."   
"Why not?"   
"Because I'm already friends with benefits with someone else" he blurts out. His heart drops.  
Autumn's eyes widen. "Oh...! Wow, um, okay."  
They awkwardly stare at each other.  
"Who is she?"  
"No one you know..."   
Brendan walks up ten feet behind him, noticing them talking. His blood turns cold.   
This reminds him of the first time he saw them talking to each other.

Three weeks earlier:   
"So yeah you should totally join Cole's study group" Autumn flirts to Sam at his locker, smirking. He blushes. "Okay..." He flashes a grin. Brendan bites his bottom lip in anger, standing in the same spot, in the hallway.  
"Cool" Autumn smiles, before walking off.  
Brendan stares at Sam, as he stares at her.  
"Hey" Brendan calls out, as Autumn walks by him. She stops walking and looks at him. "Yeah?"  
"You were saying something about a study group?"  
She nods.  
"I'd like to join."   
Sam becomes jealous, thinking that Brendan's joining the study group only to get closer to Autumn.   
After school, in the school library, their study group takes place with about six other kids.   
Brendan forces himself to walk up to Sam.   
"Hi."  
Sam's stomach drops. "Hi..."   
"Do you wanna sit together? I'm-I'm kinda new to this whole thing."   
"We all are."  
Brendan stares at him. He notices Autumn trying to get Sam's attention, disappointingly whispering "Never mind..." And walking away over to the table, by himself.   
Sam watches him.   
"Sam. Ya comin'?" Autumn quietly calls out to him.  
"Be right there..."   
Brendan stares at Sam for the majority of the session.   
After it ends, he walks near Sam and Autumn, who walk next to each other.  
"We should hang out some time" Autumn suggests to Sam.   
"Yeah. We should" Sam smiles.   
And that day was the one afterwards, when Sam introduced her to his family.   
At the study group prior to then, Brendan attempted conversation with Sam.   
"I'm Brendan, in case you didn't know."  
"I'm Sam."  
"Cool."  
The next day, once he saw Sam's hickey, he fumed. At that study group, he noticed he and Autumn were acting distant from each other.   
"Who gave you that?" He whispers to him afterwards. "Autumn..." "Oh...Cool..."  
They walk out of the school.  
"Are you walking home?" He wonders.   
"Yeah, why?"  
"Uh...I should go with you just to be safe."   
They decide to stop at a pizza place, on the way back.   
"This is actually pretty good" Sam says, after taking a bite of a piece of pineapple pizza.   
"Told you you'd like it."  
They grin at each other.   
"So, are you and Autumn still like, a thing?"  
"Not really. She kinda dumped me."  
"Why?" Brendan asks loudly.   
"Wouldn't say." Sam continues to eat.  
"Oh...well they say to get over someone you have to get under someone new." Brendan blushes after he says that.  
Sam smiles. "Yeah..."   
Brendan decides to smirk at him, making Sam blush.   
That was what made Sam decide to buy a condom, that night.   
The day Dean found it under Sam's mattress, Brendan found him lying on the grass after school, where the guys' who beat him up left him.  
"What happened?!" He demands.   
"These guys beat me up..." Brendan helps him stand up and face him. "Who?!"  
"Dunno. They're seniors, though..."   
Brendan takes him into the empty bathroom to wash him up. "Why would they do that to you?"  
"They were...They were actually talking about you."  
"Me?"  
"Yeah...they kept telling me to call you a...slur."   
"Slur?"  
"Yeah...A-as in faggot..." Sam blushes.   
Speechless, Brendan blinks. "They keep saying you're always staring at me or something..." Sam decides to break the silence.   
"You're hot" Brendan tells him. Sam can't move. He can only feel the color on his cheeks. And the erection in his pants.  
He smiles at him.   
Brendan gently grabs Sam chin with his pointer finger, slowly bringing his face closer to his. Their noses touch, then their lips.  
Sam wishes that Brendan was his first kiss.  
The one passionate kiss eventually turns into a heavy make out session.   
They lock themselves in the handicapped stall, Brendan slamming him up against the back wall.  
He kisses down his stomach, until he gets to where he wants to.   
All Sam can do is arch his back and gasp, looking up at ceiling.   
Brendan may have not been his first kiss, but he sure as hell is glad that he was his first blowjob.  
"Don't...do this...with anyone else..." Brendan smiles to him, once they stand outside of the school, afterwards. Sam grins. "Okay..."   
"You owe me one next time" Brendan teases.   
Sam smirks. "I'll make sure of that."  
"Stay safe, Sammy."  
"You too."  
Brendan smiles, before deciding to confess "Um...I'm gay."  
"Me too."  
They kiss goodbye.   
And that's when it all started.  
Present:   
Deciding to do what he should've done in the first place, Brendan walks up to Sam at his locker.  
"Hi..."  
Sam looks at him.   
"Hey..." He blushes.  
"I'm Brendan."  
He laughs.


	7. This Is How I Let You Know I Care About You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brendan Sam sends mixed signals. Many mixed signals. Sam is not happy.

Part Seven: This Is How I Let You Know I Care About You:  
"So, what happened to you?" Sam questions Brendan, the two of them walking to class together.   
"Those guys, that beat you up?"  
Sam stares at him.   
"It was my turn."   
"Why would they do that?!" Sam yells, not even knowing why he's asking a question he already knows the answer to.   
"When did it happen?" His questions continue. "Yesterday. I was walking home from your place and they spotted me."  
They enter their first class which they share together.   
Sam sighs. "This is all my fault. If I never made you leave-"  
"Don't blame yourself, Sam." He interrupts him.   
After exchanging intense glances, they go their separate ways, off to their assigned seats.   
After class, Sam watches in envy as a girl from their class named Lauren keeps deciding to flirt with Brendan.  
"You should call me some time" she smiles to him, after putting her number in his phone. "Okay..." Brendan forces a chuckle, taking his phone back.   
Lauren smirks, before strutting away. Exhaling, Sam walks over next to Brendan.   
"Lauren gave me her number..." Brendan sounds confused, his brow furrowed.   
"Why are you acting so surprised?" Sam blurts out. Brendan smiles.   
"Are you flirting with me?" He teases.  
Sam blushes. "I'm just saying-Lauren goes after every guy" he covers up bluntly.   
"Okay NOW you're just insulting me," Brendan plays around.  
"If she goes after every guy why doesn't she go after you?" He jokes.  
"Because she's not that desperate."  
"Shut up, Sam."   
They smile. "I'll see you later?" Sam asks him.  
"You better."  
Sam smirks.   
They ditch lunch, sneaking into the girls' locker room.  
After thirty seconds of heavy kissing against the lockers, with their arms wrapped around each other, Brendan pulls back.   
"You alright?" He asks Sam, noticing he seems hesitant, and also off in general.  
"Don't worry about me" Sam mutters, before resuming to kiss him.   
Brendan kisses him once again, before stopping again. "I'm sorry about what happened yesterday..." He tells him.   
"It was all my fault." Says Sam.   
"Technically, it's actually your Dad's."  
Sam freezes, the light in his eyes disappearing.  
He gulps. "I don't want to talk about him."  
"Were you..acting like you were yelling at him, in the woods?" Brendan asks.   
"Voicemail" Sam answers. Brendan nods.  
"Were you...talking about...killing yourself?" His voice cracks at the end of his question.  
"I was bluffing." Again he resumes kissing him.   
Brendan pushes him back. "If you're ever feeling like that...Tell me."  
"Okay."  
"PROMISE?"  
Sam sighs. "I promise."   
"Good. Did he ever call you back?"   
"No. But I don't care." Sam lies blatantly. They finally proceed their make out session.   
But Sam does care. He could only imagine what affect the way his father treats him will have on his behavior.  
After school, back in the motel, Sam sits on the couch attempting to do his homework.   
"Is Brendan your boyfriend yet?" Dean asks, grinning as he enters the room.   
Sam sets his pencil down on his notebook, glaring at him. "No."   
"Well when WILL he be? I can't wait forever. There's nothing good on TV besides Friends."  
"My life is not a soap opera" Sam states firmly.  
"Eh, you're right. More like a cruddy teen drama."  
"Very funny." Sam goes back to his homework.  
"I talked to Dad today."   
Sam stops, again. "Did he ask about me?" He looks at Dean with desperate eyes.   
"It was only like, a thirty second conversation. He seemed rushed."   
Instantly, Sam sighs, getting off of the couch.  
"Where are you going?" Dean asks, cringing at Sam's reaction.   
"Gas station." Sam answers bitterly. He doesn't even look at him. He opens the door.  
"Chill out!" Dean yells to him.   
Sam closes the door behind him. Dean rolls his eyes, once he's gone. "Are you fucking kidding me..." He asks under his breath.  
In the gas station parking lot, Sam runs into a bunch of prostitutes.  
"Want one, sweetie?" One of the six older females dressed in short clothing and wearing too much makeup, asks him. She offers him a cigarette, for they're all smoking as well.  
Sam takes it, but struggles to use the lighter. The ladies snicker.   
He wheezes and coughs once the smoke hits his lungs, suddenly remembering that Brendan has asthma. He takes the cigarette from his lips.   
Putting it out and finishing his coughing fit, he tells them "Uhh...I just came here for a Klondike, but I don't have any money, so..."  
He begins to walk away, throwing out the cigarette.  
"That's too bad. We charge fifty dollars!"   
One calls out, before they all cackle.    
Sam cringes. 'Maybe I really AM gay,' he thinks.   
"Where were you?!" Dean interrogates, once Sam walks through the door.  
"Smoking cigarettes with prostitutes."   
"Why DO you smell like smoke?!" Dean crosses his arms.   
"I tried smoking a cigarette. I hated every second of it, though."  
Dean groans, clenching his fists together.  
"Agh-You little shit!" He yells to him in anger.  
Sam snickers. "I'm actually pretty tall" he teases.   
"Shut up, Sam." Dean is now exasperated.  
"Brendan has asthma, anyway."  
"Aw, your poor boyfriend."  
"Jerk."  
"Bitch." 

The next morning in the school hallway, Sam builds up the courage to walk up to Brendan.  
"Hey." His heart beats out of his chest.  
Brendan smiles. "Hi."   
"Weak ass!" Someone calls out to him, referencing his injuries.  
"Fuck off." Brendan flashes their middle finger at them.   
He looks back at Sam. "What's up?"  
Sam snickers. "You seem to be handling criticism pretty well."   
Brendan laughs. "I know."   
Lauren walks over to them. Sam resists the urge to roll her away on a hand-truck.   
"Hey Brendan."  
"Hey." He looks at her.   
"Last night was fun."   
Sam's eyes widen. "Yeah..." He forces a smile.   
"I'll see you later" she smiles, lightly touching his shoulder, and walking away.   
Sam glares at Brendan. "You 'had fun' last night?"   
"You're such a white suburban Mom."  
"That's a new one. But seriously," they begin to to walk to class.  
"Did you guys' hang out?"  
"We hung UP, after we finished having phone sex."  
Sam stares at him.   
"I'm joking. We talked on the phone. Would've much rather been talking to you. See you at lunch?" He slowly smirks at him.   
Blushing, Sam knows what he means. "Yeah," he smiles. Brendan smiles once more, before walking away.   
Sam slams his head against a locker in distress.  
Same place, same time.  
In the girls' locker room again, they kiss as they sit down on the bench, now, arms wrapped around each other again.  
"You okay?" Brendan asks, as they pull away for a moment. Noses still touching, Sam answers "Quit asking me shit like that."   
He pecks his lips. "Seriously..." Brendan says, stepping away. "Is it Lauren?" He teases, smirking.   
Blushing again, Sam scoffs. "Shut it. No. I have much bigger things to worry about than Lauren."   
"Like?"  
"Like my shitty Dad."   
"At least you have Dean," Brendan suggests to him, squeezing his hand in comfort. "You have me too..."  
Sam freezes, his blood going cold. This is the first time Brendan's ever shown this kind of romantic affection besides kissing him.   
Sam smiles. It's a small smile, but still a smile.  
"What?" Brendan smiles, like holding his hand is no big deal. "Uh...Nothing, just...What are we?"   
Sam regrets the question right after it escapes his lips.   
'More like a white suburban teenager,' he thinks, before remembering that he is a teenager.   
"In trouble."   
They jump up and face the gym teacher, who's standing fifty feet away from them with his arms crossed. They stand up, Sam taking his hand out of Brendan's.   
"Uh we were just..." Sam trails off, not knowing how to explain anything.  
"Yeah, yeah. You're lucky you were only skipping lunch, and not an actual class. If you're gonna hide out, go somewhere else."  
"What are you doing in the girls' locker room?" Brendan asks him.   
"LEAVE."  
They nod, walking past him without another word.   
The boys don't speak to each other for the rest of the day.

Dean and Jo are walking home from work together, around four 'o clock. Sam is already home.  
They walk near the same pizza place Sam and Brendan had went to, Dean teasing Jo   
"So you really weren't taking any of Randy's shit today, were you?"  
"Shut up" she smiles, before they both laugh.  
He lightly takes her hand, causing her to blush. He flashes a quick but tiny smile at her, before looking away in hesitance.   
He stops walking, keeping his eyes on two certain people engaging in deep affection.  
"Dean?" She asks.   
He doesn't speak. "What's wrong?"  
"That's Brendan..."  
"Who's that girl?" Jo asks.   
"I have NO idea..."   
The girl who happens to be kissing Brendan with her arms wrapped around him, is Lauren.   
They pull apart, feeling Dean and Jo's eyes on them.  
They look at them.  
"Crap" Dean whispers, hastily pulling Jo away with him.   
They run past the pizza place, and a few centimeters away towards the direction of Jo's house, where they were heading to in the first place.  
"What's going on?" Jo wonders.  
"Uh...It's complicated" is all he can tell her. She nods. "I can tell...Um, thanks for walking me home. But I can take it from here. Bye Dean..."   
"Bye..."  
They share a kiss, before politely smiling at each other. "Bye" he repeats. She chuckles, and he watches her walk away.   
He returns home, happy about Jo, but not about Brendan.  
Sam exits his room, running over to him.   
"You're home! Finally! I've been waiting to tell you about it since it happened" Sam greets with a giant grin on his face.  
"Uh-Uh since what happened?" Dean asks, starting to sweat.  
"Brendan held my hand!"   
Dean doesn't have to force a smile, but keeps the thoughts of Brendan kissing that girl in the back of his head.  
"Really? That's great, Sammy!"   
Sam continues to smile. Dean wants to tell him about what he saw, but doesn't want him to get mad at Brendan. One hand holding doesn't make them an official couple, does it? But it's still something romantic between them.   
And he doesn't want to ruin that for Sam.   
But Brendan already did. And he has to do what's right.   
"You okay?" Sam asks him.  
"Yeah, uh, can I tell you something?"   
"Yeah...!" Sam can tell he's being serious.  
Dean doesn't speak for several moments, before deciding to say "I kissed Jo today...!"

The next day at school, Sam notices Brendan's acting distant. Before second period, he sees him and Lauren talking again, thirty feet away from where he's standing. He can't make out what they're saying, but she defiantly seems to be flirting with him again. Sam frowns.  
Their conversation ends, and Lauren almost walks past Sam. "Hey Lauren" he decides to say. She stops walking, and looks at him.  
"Oh hey Sam." She flashes a smile.   
"You and Brendan getting close?" He wonders, resisting the urge to cross his arms in envy.  
"Yeah. We went out after school yesterday."  
His eyes widen. "Oh really?"   
"Yeah. He kissed me. I don't know if we're official yet, but..." She smiles.   
"Oh really t-that's great...! Uh if you excuse me I should probably get to class. Bye Lauren." He instantly walks off, finding Brendan standing in his second period class.  
"What are you doing here?" He whispers, after noticing him.   
He answers by slapping him.   
Kids around them laugh and yell.   
"What was that for?!" Brendan yells, frowning.   
"Screw you." Is all Sam says, before stomping out of the room. "Asshole!" He decides to call out.  
Angrily entering his own second period classroom, he sees Autumn, who shares the class with him, sitting alone.   
He sits down next to her. She looks at him.  
"Hi Autumn."


	8. Separation Anxiety

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam confronts Brendan. It's not pretty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think it's safe to say I don't have writers block anymore. Enjoy! Or don't. I really don't care.

Part Eight: Separation Anxiety  
"Hi Autumn."   
"Hey, Sam." She smirks at, him and he can't help but blush. "So, um, tonight..." He trails off, not knowing how to form his actual question.  
"What about tonight?"  
"You wanna go out tonight?" Their teacher tells them to quiet down and begins to teach, before she can answer words. She only more, with a half smile. He smiles back, before wondering why he's REALLY doing what he's doing.  
After class, as Autumn flirts with him, Brendan walks over and pulls him away with zero fucks. "Uh...So call me...!" She calls out awkwardly.  
Once Sam is alone with Brendan outside, behind the school where no one can find them with a giant smirk on his face, Brendan demands "Why the FUCK did you slap me?! People are starting to think that you're the one that beat me up, now."  
Sam laughs. Brendan scowls at him.   
"You wanna know why I slapped you?" Sam turns serious.  
"You kissed Lauren."   
"So?" Brendan asks, instantly knowing that Dean must've told him.  
"'So'?! Fuck you, Brendan. We're friends with fucking benefits, asshole."  
"Yeah. FRIENDS. With. BENEFITS. I can go out and kiss other people if I want to. My lips aren't reserved for you."   
Sam's cheeks heat up. "Obviously I fucking know that shit. But newsflash, prick: YOU'RE A HOMO-FUCKING-SEXUAL. Lauren, is a GIRL."   
"It's not like I'm leading her on."  
"Uh, you KINDA are?! I ran into her in the hallway. She's super giddy about you."   
"Dammit" Brendan whispers, clenching his jaw.  
"YEAH, Brendan. 'Dammit' is right. You know what? You got yourself into this mess. I'm not helping you get out of if. You wanna know WHY she's so giddy about you? 'Cause you're a REALLY. GREAT. GUY. At least that's what I thought."  
"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"  
"I'm tired of your bullshit. You hold my hand, then you go and kiss someone else. You kiss a GIRL."   
"What are you saying..."  
"Why did you hold my hand..." Sam speaks cautiously.  
"I was comforting you."  
"No shit, asshole. You don't hold someone's hand JUST to comfort them."   
Brendan laughs bitterly. Sam frowns. "Is this why you're so mad at me?" Brendan smiles. "Because you think I'm leading you on? Sam, you're leading YOURSELF on."  
If you could die of a broken heart on instant, Sam would collapse to the fucking floor.   
"Fuck you..." Is all he can whisper, tears now going down his face.   
Brendan gazes at him, trying to keep a careless expression.  
"Why are you crying..." His tone is focused.  
"Why the fuck do YOU care? Oh. And by the way, I'm going out with Autumn tonight. I'm going out with Autumn, like YOU went out with Lauren. YOU went out with Lauren, because you're a coward. You're a coward that can't come to terms with the fact that he's a fucking FAGGOT."  
That's what sets Brendan off, like Sam intended to. What Sam did not intend, was for Brendan to attack him to the ground.  
"Fuck you!" Brendan screeches, as the boys hassle with each other. Sam chortles. "You have fucking asthma, dip stick."   
Their positions are switched, Sam now holding him down.   
Sam's instincts come to a complete stop.  
He freezes. His arms are still clutched onto the sides of Brendan's shoulder. His breath hitches. Their scowls slowly exiting their faces. They stare into each other's eyes.  
They've done this plenty of times before, but this time's different.   
They study each other's pupils, unable to blink for those certain amounts of seconds. They can feel their hearts on the edge of beating out of their chests.  
A passionate kiss is not what happens.   
"Get the fuck off me, dip stick."   
Brendan pushes Sam upwards back onto his feet, almost making him fall on his rear end.  
Sam scoffs defensively. "You started it."  
Standing up, Brendan tells him "Whatever. Go out with Autumn. Fuck her like you never fuck me."   
Sam laughs at how ridiculously jealous Brendan sounds. "Go take your blue balls out on Lauren. Oh wait. You can't. Because you're gay." His tone turns sharp.   
"At least I don't lie and say I am when I'm actually bi."  
"YOU'RE lying and saying you're STRAIGHT!"  
"Technically, no, I'm not. I'm just...Dating girls' and letting them think I'm straight."  
Sam rolls his eyes. "Have fun living a lie."  
"Go fuck yourself."  
"I'd rather do that than fuck YOU," Sam sasses.   
"Quit acting like you never wanted to fuck me."  
Sam blushes. "Not anymore."   
"So what? You gonna fuck Autumn?"  
"Maybe I will."  
"Try not to give her cunt warts."  
"Fuck off, Brendan. Have fun fucking Lauren and never getting off."  
And with that, Sam walks away leaving Brendan with his mouth dropped open in offense.  
After a happy Dean returns home from work, Sam texts him that he's decided to walk home. He shrugs, not thinking anything of it.  
Fifteen minutes later, it's Sam's turn to walk into the motel, to Dean baking cookies at the stove. "Hey, Sammy!" Dean chirps, not thinking anything of the door slam behind him. "How was your day?" He looks at Sam standing in front of the door, frowning into space.  
"Awful. Autumn and I are going out tonight, by the way."  
"Your day was awful, yet you and Autumn are going out? What happened to Brendan?" Dean questions, as he rolls a slab of cookie dough into another ball.   
"Brendan is nothing to me, anymore."   
"Just because he kissed Lauren doesn't mean you have to GIVE UP on him. Now grow a sack, tell Autumn you're sick, and TELL Brendan how you FEEL" Dean scolds.  
"That's the thing...I can't..."  
"Why not?" Dean sets down the ball of cookie dough on the cookie sheet and walks over to him.  
"Uh...We may have...Gotten into a giant argument. He's just gonna keep leading Lauren on...Basically shot me down..." Sam blinks back tears.  
"He WHAT?" Dean asks so loudly, that Sam flinches. "I'm fine..." He lies, beginning to walk over to his room. "No, Sam." Dean clutches onto his wrist. "You're not. Don't go out with Autumn because you feel like you have to. Both of you are just gonna end up getting hurt."  
"It's...It's not even a 'date'...We're just gonna...Hang out, I guess. I already told her I'm friends with benefits with someone else..."  
Dean sighs. "Well as long as she doesn't think you have romantic feelings for her-which you don't-that's fine."  
Sam nods. "Yeah..."  
That night, before Sam leaves to go to Autumn's house, he sneaks the condom he originally thought he was going to use with Brendan, into his pocket.  
"Bye Dean!" He calls out.  
"Not too late, okay?! It's a school night. You know your curfew."  
"Gotcha."  
Sam keeps staring at Autumn, as the two of them sit on her couch with a movie playing on the flat screen TV in front of them.   
She looks back at him, only for him to hastily look away.  
"You hungry?" She asks him. "Oh. Um, not right now but we can make something if you'd like."  
"Okay." She smiles as they stand up. "The movie's getting kinda boring anyway."  
"Yeah, haha." Sam chuckles.   
They make nachos, and after they put them in the microwave for one minute, Sam informs her "I can change the channel, if that's alright."  
"Yeah that's fine. I'll get more stuff from the pantry real quick. Can you get my phone for me? I left it on the couch."  
"Yeah. Be right back."  
After he retrieves her phone, he sees that she had received a text from a boy named Cole:  
'I am not, lol. What movie are you guys watching?'  
Thinking nothing of it, he walks back into the kitchen.  
"Here's your phone back. You got a text from a guy named Cole." He hands it to her.  
"Oh. Thanks." She grins.   
After the microwave goes off, she says "Let's find a different movie to watch."   
Autumn had turned off her phone. It's been almost thirty minutes, Sam noticing that it's almost pass his curfew. They had finished the nachos. Easy A now plays on the TV.   
Sam still has the condom in his pocket.  
Autumn giggles at a comedic line said in the film, and Sam decides to start flirting. Well, attempt to.   
"Um, Dean thinks you have a cute laugh." He points out. She looks at him. "Really?" She shows a half smile. "Yeah. Uh, I think you do too."   
She blushes. "Thank you..." Her tone is flattered. She lets out a chuckle.   
He leans into kiss her, but she pulls away.  
"Sam. Um..." She trails off before awkwardly biting her bottom lip, not knowing how to say what she's planning to say.  
"Oh. Um-um-" he takes the hint. "Sorry..." He instantly stands up and backs away. "I'm so stupid w-we're exes I mean why would we date again-" he trips over his own two feet, falling onto the floor. Autumn gasps, getting up. "Are you alright?!" She demands. "Yeah, uh..." He stands up. "Never better."  
The condom had fallen out of his pocket.  
"Is that a condom...?" She eyes it, as it lies on the floor.  
"No..." He covers it with his foot.   
"Yes! It is! We're you gonna try to have SEX with me?!" She demands.  
"No...! I-I still have that condom because of my...benefit friend...I was trying to kiss you because I...Think it would be cool if we dated again."  
"So you were just gonna date me while hooking up with some other person?" She crosses her arms.  
"Things with them didn't really work out...I swear I wouldn't date you while that was going on."   
"I'm sorry, but, that Cole guy that texted me, I like him. He goes to another school."  
"But what about that thing you said to me yesterday?"  
"I was being honest, I swear, but...After you let me down I realized that I really like Cole...We've been talking for a while..."  
"Oh...Well, I'm sorry you got the wrong idea..."  
"It's fine..."   
"I should...I should leave..."   
And he does.  
At Brendan's home, Jeanette is shocked to see him walk into the house with his arm around a girl's shoulder.  
"Hey Mom."  
"Um, hi, who's this?"  
"This is Lauren. Sorry I didn't tell you I was bringing her over, you just...Weren't picking up your phone, and..."  
"Oh yes sorry I must've been vacuuming. Nice to meet you." She walks over and shakes her hand. "Hi." Lauren grins.   
"I feel rude for just coming in like this-" "Oh, no, no! It's completely fine. The only thing I ask is not too late, because, well, it's almost nine 'o clock."  
"Of course. My curfew is eleven."   
Jeanette nods. "We're just gonna watch something in the living room...Okay Mom?" Brendan asks.  
"Go right ahead. But just know your sister's still up."  
"Gotcha."  
With his arm still wrapped around her, they walk into the living room. As Jeanette sighs, Maria slowly makes her way downstairs. They hear the TV turn on.  
"Does Brendan have a girl over?" Maria asks quietly with a huge smile on her face.  
"Yes, honey..." She's exasperated.  
"Are you scared they're gonna make out or something?" She giggles.  
"That's not my main issue..." Jeannette gazes into space.   
Completely ignoring what's on TV, Brendan and Lauren make out on the couch.  
"Do you think I gave your Mom a bad impression?" Lauren asks quietly, after they pull back from each other. "No, of course not. She just...Wasn't expecting you; that's all."  
He's about to kiss her again, but she asks "Everything alright with you?"  
"What makes you ask that?"   
"You seem...Distracted, about something."  
Sam.  
"You distract me," Brendan flirts. She smiles. Once they kiss again, they hear Maria, who had just walked in on them scream "MOM!!!"   
They break apart, Brendan yelling "GEEZ, MARIA! We weren't DOING anything!"  
"You were kissing! That's something."  
Lauren laughs. "Go away" Brendan snaps.   
"Aw, come on, she's cute don't be mean to her" Lauren smiles.  
"Thank you! She's nicer to me than you've EVER been." Maria yells to Brendan, who only rolls his eyes. "You're so overdramatic."  
Jeanette walks in. "Maria, please don't bother them..." She asks.   
"But they were kissing!" "Oh my God" Brendan whispers, looking away.  
"Yes and when you're their age you're gonna want to do a lot of kissing yourself."  
"Ew. Gross."  
Lauren laughs. "Let's get you to bed." Jeanette leads Maria into the kitchen.   
After a few minutes of just watching the movie while sitting closely, Brendan asks Lauren "You thirsty?"  
"Oh, um..." She trails off, not trying to be demanding.  
"I can get you some water or something," he suggests. "Okay. Thank you." She blushes. He nods, getting up and walking into the kitchen.  
"Brendan." He hears his mother whisper.  
He flinches, spinning around and seeing her standing behind the kitchen table.  
"What?" His heart drops, knowing what she's going to want to talk about.  
"We need to talk."   
"We are NOT having this discussion right now."  
"Brendan, you're leading that poor girl on."  
"That 'poor girl' is Lauren."  
"You and I both know you don't have feelings for her."   
Maria sneaks down, hiding on the top of the staircase. Her eyes widen, listening to their conversation.  
"Mom...Just..." Brendan trails off.   
"You're gay, Brendan!" She shout whispers.  
"What are you gonna do when she thinks you guys are getting serious?!"  
Maria freezes.  
"Uh...She may or may not...Already think that..."  
Jeanette sighs. She doesn't want to watch Lauren get hurt, but she doesn't want to out her own son, either.   
"I'll handle it. Don't worry."   
Jeanette says nothing. She only watches as Brendan fixes a glass of water for Lauren, and exits the room.  
Almost a little over an hour later, after Lauren leaves, Brendan doesn't say a word to his mother, and walks upstairs into his room while releasing a heavy sigh.  
Little does he know that Maria is already sitting on his bed, with his arms crossed. He turns on the lights.  
"So since you're gay," she starts.  
He yells out, spinning around and noticing her. "God, Maria!" He screams.  
"Might I ask about Sam?" She continues, raising her eyebrows.  
His face shifts from a glare, to a soft expression. "He's..." He trails off, not knowing what to say. "We don't...We're not...Really talking...Anymore." His voice cracks and he looks away. "Why not?"  
"Because I'm an idiot..."   
"You are. But if you really like him, you gotta tell him. Does he like YOU?"  
"Not anymore..."  
"What does THAT mean?"  
He looks at her. "I just screwed everything up, okay?!" He wipes the tears from his cheeks.  
"Go to him. Talk to him at school tomorrow or something."  
"He's not gonna want to talk to me, Maria..." "You don't know that."   
Brendan sighs again. "I'm so freakin' stupid" he cries, wiping more tears and breaking eye contact with her.  
"If you care about him so much, go see him!" She encourages.   
"He's not home. He's on a date with some girl."   
"Then wait until he gets back and confess your love for him or something cliche like that. Just go see him!" She yells.  
He grabs his shoes. "Where are you going?" Jeanette asks him, as he rushes past her in the kitchen. "To see Sam." He leaves before she can even open her mouth to say another word.  
"Okay...!" Is all she calls out awkwardly.  
"I am SUCH a good sister" Maria smiles to herself.


	9. Chapter 9

Part Nine: Coping Mechanisms  
After Sam stomps his way back into the motel, the door slams behind him. Dean hears him, walking out of their room.  
"How was your 'not date' with Autumn?" He asks.   
"She likes someone else..." Is all Sam can say, refusing to look at his brother.  
"Oh...Well, maybe that's for the best..."  
Sam looks at him.  
"Excuse me?" His tone is angered.  
"I'm just saying..." Dean puts his hands up.  
"You don't REALLY like her, do you?"  
Sam frowns. "Just because all that shit with Brendan happened, doesn't mean I don't have a few TINY feelings left for Autumn."  
"Yeah. 'Tiny' feelings. You have GINORMOUS feelings for Brendan" Dean analyzes.   
"Are you me? Is your perspective mine? No. So quit acting like you know me Dean. Because you DON'T."  
"I don't KNOW you?! Are you trying to piss me off? Because it's working. I'm your fucking older brother that's been pretty much RAISING YOU for your entire life. I've been there for you, when Dad HASN'T. So, yeah, Sammy. I may not be you, but I sure as hell fucking know you."  
"Don't bring Dad into this."  
"That's what your worried about, right now? Jesus, Sam, I'm just saying the only reason you asked Autumn out in the first place is because you were trying to piss off Brendan."  
"That doesn't mean I still don't like her!" Sam denies it.   
"Just because you may like Autumn, doesn't mean you don't like Brendan, too."  
"Well I got shot down by BOTH of them. Ya happy?" Sam fires.   
"No, Sam. I'm not. Neither of them are worth it."  
"Don't say that!" Sam begins crying.   
"Say what?"  
"That Brendan's not worth it. Because he is..."  
Dean's facial expression softens.  
"I think you should lay down..." Is all decides to say to him.  
"Are there any cookies left?" Sam asks, not wanting to sleep.   
"Uh..." Dean awkwardly scratches the back of his neck.   
"I may have eaten them all..."  
"How many were on the fucking pan?"  
"Like, eight." Dean fibs.  
Sam glares.  
"Okay twelve."   
Sam instantly rolls his eyes. "There's some vanilla ice cream in the freezer if you wanna stress eat that..." Dean suggests.  
"I hate vanilla ice cream."  
"I know but at this point I figured you'd eat anything."   
Sam leaves the motel.  
"Oh, come back! What'd I say?!"   
Sam hugs his knees in the parking lot, starting to sob.   
He's angry at everyone. Brendan, Autumn, Lauren, John...Even Dean. But the person he's most angry at, is himself.  
"Sam!" He hears a voice he never thought he'd hear again. He flinches.  
"Brendan?!"   
Brendan sprints over in front of him, wheezing and panting. Sam sits up, eyes widening in concern.  
"Are you alright?!-" He witnesses him use his inhaler, to prevent an asthma attack.  
Sam sighs in relief.  
"Hi..." Brendan awkwardly greets, casually setting his inhaler back in his pocket, acting like that small incident never happened.   
"Hi...What are you doing here?"  
Brendan just now notices his tears.  
"Why are you crying?" He raises his voice.   
"My 'date' with Autumn was a disaster. She likes some other guy..." Sam rips the band aid off.  
Brendan feels for him. "It's her loss" he hypocritically states.  
Sam scowls at him, leading Brendan to sigh.  
"I came here to apologize. I was SUCH a fucking douche, okay? I regret EVERY. SINGLE thing I said back there. I promise to God I'll make it up to you." He sits down next to him, giving him a pleading look.  
Sam looks at him.   
"It's okay...I'm sorry for what I said too...You're not a fag."  
"I'm literally fucking gay."  
"You know what I mean."   
They grin at each other.   
"Um...I'm sorry things with Autumn didn't work out." Brendan says after a few silent seconds, looking away.  
"It's okay..." Sam scoffs. "To think I bought a fucking condom with me."  
Brendan frowns, proceeding his gaze.   
"You were planning to hook up?"  
"She wasn't. I was."   
Sam plays with his hair. "I'm a fuckin' idiot."   
"You're not a fuckin' idiot. You're a horny idiot" Brendan corrects.   
"Fuckin' horny idiot." Sam finishes.   
They laugh.  
"How are things with Lauren?" Sam asks him.  
"Alright...We hung out my place. My own damn mother privately called me out on what I'm doing. My sister knows, now."   
"Does she care?"  
"She seriously could not care any lesser" Brendan states.  
Sam chuckles.   
"You're right about what you said. Well, everything you said. But...I need to end it with her. God, I'm such a terrible person."  
"You're not a terrible person, Brendan. You're...Just as confused as I am when it comes to all this shit."   
Brendan chuckles, this time. "I'm sorry you're upset about Autumn."  
Sam only nods.  
"You really like her, huh?"  
"I guess a few feelings, have returned." Sam admits.  
"Oh."  
"'Oh'?" Sam looks at him. "Just...Wasn't expecting that, that's all..." Brendan informs, only telling him half the truth.   
"No fuckin' wonder she rejected me. I literally TOLD her I was hooking up with someone else. No details, but still..." He looks away.  
Brendan bites his bottom lip.  
He puts deep thought into what he wants to say next.  
"Do you think we should just...Stop?"  
"Stop hooking up?"   
Brendan shrugs. "I mean, yeah. We're...We're gonna eventually start seeing other people."  
Sam nods.   
"I think I'm...Ready to start openly dating guys..." He admits.   
Brendan's teeth clenches, the thought of Sam being with someone who's not him, infuriating him. But he wants him happy, more than anything. He gulps.   
"Me too..."  
That was kind of a lie, but he figured that if he'd have no problem with publicly dating Sam-which he most defiantly would not have a problem with; he would flaunt the shit out of him-what's the difference with a different guy?   
They stare into each other's eyes.   
Little do they both know that when they say that, they secretly hope each other.   
"So...We're gonna stop?" Brendan asks.   
Sam forces himself to firmly nod.  
They shake hands on it. After they stop shaking, Brendan holds onto his hand for a few seconds; knowing it's going to be the last time he holds it.  
Sam blushes. They mutually let go of each other's hands.   
Brendan forces a chuckle. "I should go..."   
Sam mentally deflates.   
"Okay..."   
Brendan forces himself to stand up. "Feel better."  
Sam smiles. "I will."  
Brendan smiles back, farewelling "I'll see you tomorrow...Sammy?"   
"You better."   
They both cry themselves to sleep, that night.

The next morning at school, Sam finds Brendan in the hallway, before first period.   
"Hey."  
Brendan notices him, smiling "Hey" back.   
"Uh...Do you wanna do something later?" Sam asks him. Brendan raises his eyebrows in response.  
"N-Not...'Do' something..." Sam corrects, turning beat red. Brendan laughs. "I know, Sam. Sure." He doesn't see why not.   
Lauren walks up to them. "Hey guys." She smiles. They look at her and smile back.   
"Hey" they say together.  
"Um, I was thinking," she turns to Brendan. "Do you wanna go to that dance, on Friday?" Sam and Brendan both freeze at her question.   
Sam bites his bottom lip in anger.   
"Uh, yeah, that'd be great" Brendan lies, forcing a smile.   
Sam forces himself not to roll his eyes.   
"Cool." She kisses his cheek, before waving to Sam and walking away. Brendan looks down at his shoes.  
"Still leading her on?" Sam grills, crossing his arms.  
"I'll break it off with her at the dance." Brendan says the first thing that comes to his head.   
"That is a TERRIBLE idea." Sam states.  
"I know...I'll think of something."  
"Good luck, my friend."  
Brendan's face falls.   
"Thanks..." His voice is quiet.   
"I'll see you in class." Sam walks away.   
'Friend' is all Brendan can think, before walking away, himself.   
They find themselves making eye contact with each other, all throughout first period.  
In second period, Sam and Lauren get paired up to do a project together.   
"Hey..." Lauren approaches him after class.  
He turns to her. "Hi."  
"Do you want to meet up at my house tonight?"   
He stares at her with wide eyes.  
"For the project." She clarifies. He clears his throat.   
"Right! The project. Yeah. Yeah that works perfectly. What time works for you?" He plays it off casually.  
"Say, around seven?"  
"Seven's perfect."   
She gives him her address.   
"Thanks" he says. "Yeah. I just hope Brendan won't get jealous" she chuckles.   
"Oh, I wouldn't worry about that. Like, at all..."  
"I mean, you're like, his best friend, right?"  
Sam's look stiffens.  
It takes him several seconds to answer. "Right..."  
After school, Brendan brings Lauren to his house, again.  
"Hey Mom" he greets, walking into the house with her, to Jeanette who's sitting at the table with another woman.  
"Oh. Hi Lauren." She instantly greets her with a smile. "Nice to see you again." Brendan frowns, at how she ignored him.  
"Nice to see you too." She smiles.   
"Brendan, this is Charlotte. A friend from work." Jeanette introduces the woman sitting next to her.  
"Hi" Brendan says. "This is Lauren." Seconds later, he hesitantly adds "My girlfriend."  
"Nice to meet you both" Charlotte smiles to them. "Um, we're gonna be in my room" Brendan tells Jeanette.   
"That's fine, yeah."   
The teens walk upstairs.   
"You're gonna let them go up in his room, alone?" Charlotte skeptically whispers to Jeanette.  
"They'll be fine. Trust me."   
The door closes.   
"You sure?" Charlotte asks.  
"I'm positive."  
"Don't you think it's kinda strange how your Mom lets us in your room alone?" Lauren asks Brendan, upstairs.   
"Uh...She's just really laid back."   
It's not long before they start making out, Brendan beginning to kiss her neck.   
She pulls back, and he looks at her. "Oh. Sorry. I don't want you thinking that I...Wanna go all the way or something."   
"It's cool. I was just caught off guard. But even if you wanted to, I wouldn't mind." She smirks, kissing him again, harder this time.   
He kisses her back, with scared widened eyes.   
They stop, and he asks "Um when do you need to be home?"  
"By seven. Sam didn't tell you?"  
"Tell me what?"  
"We got assigned for a project together in Science. He's coming over to my place."  
"Oh."  
"You jealous?" She teases.   
Brendan blushes. "What? No."  
Yes. But not for the reason Lauren thinks.   
His phone rings in his bag. "Sorry. Uh..." He takes it out, seeing his Dad is calling him. "It's my Dad. I'll be right back." He walks out of the room, closing the door.  
Lauren decides to check her phone that's placed in her backpack, picking it up off the floor. She walks past Brendan's dresser, getting one of the backpack straps caught in a drawer knob. She pulls it back, pulling the drawer out and having it land on the floor. She drops her backpack, going to pick up the drawer.  
She stops midway, seeing a gay porn magazine placed inside. Her heart drops.   
After blankly staring at it for thirty seconds, not knowing what to feel, the door opens.  
She quickly puts the drawer back, closing it shut. She faces Brendan who's standing in his doorway, holding his phone.   
"Hey." He walks forward into the room.  
"Hey, uh..." She begins sweating. "My Mom called me. She wants me home."   
"Oh..."  
"Yeah, um..." She picks up her backpack and rushes over to him.  
"I'll see you tomorrow." She forces a smile.  
"Do you want me to walk you home?" He offers. "I'm good, thanks. Bye." She kisses her cheek, jogging downstairs.   
"Lauren?" Jeanette asks, noticing she's running towards the door. "I gotta go." Is all she says.  
"Would you like a ride home?"  
"No thanks, Ms. Sorenson." She instantly leaves the house.  
Charlotte stares at Jeanette. "Told you you shouldn't have left them up there alone." She mutters.  
Hours later, Sam stands on Lauren's porch, knocking on the door with his backpack around his back.   
Her mother opens the door. "Hello, can I help you?" She asks.  
"I'm here for Lauren. I'm her partner."  
"Oh, sweetie, she already has a boyfriend."  
"Project. Partner" he corrects.   
"Oh! My mistake. Lauren!" She yells out, looking back into the house.  
"Your project partner's here!"   
"Let him in!" Lauren calls back. Sam's let inside, the door closing behind. This is probably the nicest house he's ever been in. He looks around, before seeing Lauren sprint downstairs. "Hey" she smiles.   
"Hi" he smiles back. "You wanna get started?"   
"Yeah." They set up at the dining room table.   
Throughout working, Sam notices that Lauren is acting abnormally off.  
"Are you okay?" He asks her. She looks at him.   
She has a scared look in her eyes. "Brendan's your best friend, right?" She asks.   
Sam blushes. "Yeah...Why?"   
"So you know personal things about him.   
"Uh, yeah" Sam supposes, shrugging.  
"When we were at his house earlier, he left his room to talk on the phone to his Dad. I wasn't snooping, I swear, but...I accidentally found something in his drawer.   
"Found what?" Sam starts sweating.   
Lauren looks around, sighing and looking back at him. "It was a magazine. A gay. Porn. Magazine." She whispers.   
Sam almost falls out of his chair.   
"He's-He's been wanting to tell you I swear-"  
"Sam. It's cool. It's not your fault. I'm not mad. I just...Feel bad for him. He must've gotten himself sucked into this situation. I was the one that kept coming on to him, and..."   
"And he couldn't come out." Sam finishes.   
Lauren nods.   
"Should I tell him I know?"   
"It's best he knows you know" Sam says. "Yeah. Um, thanks." She presses her lips together.   
He nods. "Of course."   
After they finish, Lauren decides to walk Sam out. "Are you sure you don't need a ride?" She asks him.  
"I can walk. Thanks..."   
They stop walking on the middle of her lawn.  
"Um, so about Brendan..." She starts. He widens his eyes.  
"Do you think he likes you?"  
Sam flinches. "What?"   
"I mean, it's a possibility..."   
"No. He doesn't. Seriously. He's gay but he's not desperate."  
"Don't say that" Lauren tells him.  
After many seconds of silence, she has the nerve to ask "Do you like HIM?"  
Sam freezes. Sweat rolls down his forehead. "No...I don't."  
"Just checking."  
Sam furrows his brow. 'Checking'?   
"I should get going. Um, we'll continue this tomorrow? Same place same time?"  
"Yeah. Sounds good. Bye Sam."  
He smiles at her, before giving her a quick peck on the cheek and fearfully sprinting away.   
Not knowing how to react, a beat red Lauren only stands there.   
Sam's gone.   
"What is HAPPENING?" She whispers to herself.   
She's not the only one asking that question.


	10. Catching-Even More-Feelings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and Lauren decide to fake it, so that Sam can make Brendan jealous. But it doesn't end up like Sam expects it to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback appreciated :) thank you for reading! Hope you enjoy!

Part Ten: Catching-Even More-Feelings  
Sam sprinting back into the motel, panting up a storm, what makes Dean jump.  
"What the hell?" He asks him, as Sam slams the door shut. "Oh, did you try groping her?" He instantly accuses protectively.  
Sam catches his breath, and looks at her.   
"I pecked her."  
"Pecked her? What are you, a fucking chicken?"  
"No, you idiot. PECKED her. Like, a quick kiss on the cheek." He corrects.   
Dean rolls his eyes. "Seriously Sam? You can't keep forcing yourself to have feelings for everyone." He tells him.  
"I'm not forcing myself to have feelings for ANYONE" Sam protests, stomping over to him.  
"Isn't that Lauren girl the chick Brendan's using as a coverup?" Dean asks.  
"Not for long. She found out he's gay."   
"How?"  
"Magazine in his room."  
Dean rolls his eyes again. "Idiot" he says under his breath. "He's not an idiot!" Sam raises his voice. Dean chuckles.   
Sam scowls. "What?"  
"Nothing. It's just cute how you're sticking up for him. That's all."  
Sam blushes almost instantly. "Shut up, Dean."   
Dean laughs. "Oh my God you're totally blushing!" He smiles.   
Sam's mouth drops open in offense. "Go away Dean." He snaps, before running off to his room and closing the door.  
"YOU went away from ME, angsty little fuck!" Dean yells out.  
The next morning, Dean tells Sam that John had called him.  
"What'd he say?" Sam asks. "He'll be home later tonight."  
"Well will we have to leave?" Sam instantly panics. "I think he's just stopping by then heading to Wisconsin or something."  
"Oh...Okay."  
"Don't worry. You'll still get to see your knight in shining armor."  
"Jerk."  
"Bitch."  
Lauren corners Sam at school. He gulps. "Please don't hurt me."  
"I'm not gonna hurt you. Listen. If you're gay too, then I can pretend to be your girlfriend." She offers. "I'm not gay. I'm bi" he corrects her. "Well would you still want me to pretend to be into you?"  
"Um..." He trails off, not seeing how that's really necessary. He then remembers John. If he tells him he has an actual girlfriend, it'll get him off his case.  
"Okay, sure...But, shouldn't you tell Brendan about...What you know?"   
"Yeah I'll do that right now. After that's over with, when would you like to start 'dating'?" She uses air quotes.   
"Uh...I dunno. Tomorrow, I guess? But, can you not tell Brendan that we're faking it?"   
"Why shouldn't I tell?"  
"Just...Don't."  
She squints. "Okay...See ya. Wish me luck."   
He does.   
Once she walks off, he decides to follow her. This leads to bump into Autumn.  
The expressions on their faces reveal that they want to be anywhere but here.  
"Hey..." Sam starts, awkwardly.  
"Hey..." She nervously twirls a strand of hair with her finger. "Uh, how's CJ?" He decides to start conversation.  
"It's Cole."  
"Right."  
"He's good."  
"Cool..."   
Without another word, they go their separate ways.  
Sam finds Brendan, talking to Lauren at his locker. "Can I talk to you?" Sam watches Lauren ask.  
"Yeah, what's up?" Brendan asks back.  
"Okay, so...I know about your...Preferences."  
"What?" Brendan frowns.   
She rolls her eyes. "Never mind. The thing is: there's someone else."  
This catches Sam by surprise.   
"Really? Who?" Brendan forces a disappointed tone.  
"Um...No one you know."  
Brendan watches in awe as she walks away.   
After Brendan has time to process what just happened, Sam walks over to him. "Hey."  
"Hey. You saw that?"   
"Yeah...I'm sorry, I guess?"  
Brendan laughs. "It's fine. I just wonder who this 'other guy' is. You have any idea?"  
Sam freezes. "No..."  
"How was working with her last night?" Brendan asks.   
Now, Sam blushes. "Good. She's...She's nice."   
Brendan bites his bottom lip.   
"Yeah, um...I'm gonna go..." He walks away, leaving Sam's heart to drop down to his stomach.  
He looks down at the floor.   
It's about time he asks what he's getting himself into.  
"Lord help me." The words come out in a hasty breath.  
At lunch, Sam finds Brendan walking around outside. "Hey..."  
Brendan stops walking and looks at him. "Hi."  
"Are you mad at me?"  
Brendan frowns. "Why would I be at you?"  
"I dunno. You just seem...Off."  
"I'm not mad at you. Don't worry." Brendan smiles at him. "Good." Sam returns a smile back, walking over in front of him. "Because if you were then I'd have to kick your ass again." He teases, pushing him.  
Brendan laughs, before tackling him to the ground. "Oh really?" He smiles, wrapping his hands around Sam's wrist and placing them above his head, so that he can't move his arms. Heart bouncing out of his chest, Sam giggles. "Yeah" he smiles, laughing breathlessly.   
They continue to laugh and look in each other's eyes, before Brendan clears his throat. He lets go of Sam's wrist, standing up before him.  
Sam smiles again, standing up as well.   
"Can I ask you something?" Brendan wonders.  
"Yeah."  
"Do you like Lauren?"  
This catches Sam by surprise. "What? Why would you think that?"  
"I guess, because you guys hung out last night, and...She said that there's someone else. Are you that someone else?"   
Sam frowns. "No. And, we didn't even hang out. We just...Worked on the project."  
"Oh..."  
"Yeah, um, but...She knows you're gay." Sam reveals.  
"Is it that obvious?"  
"She told me she found a gay magazine in your room when you guys were together yesterday."  
"THAT'S why she was acting so weird!" Brendan explains. Sam chuckles.   
"Do you think she meant it when she said that there's someone else?"  
Sam doesn't know how to answer. "I don't know..."  
He wants to tell him about how he and Lauren plan to 'fake date' tomorrow, but a part of him also wants to make him jealous. He knows Brendan's attracted to him, but is too scared to admit it. Maybe seeing Sam with Lauren in a romantic matter is the straw that'll break the camels's back.   
That's defiantly what it was for Sam, when Brendan was seeing Lauren and kept giving him mixed signals at the same time.   
So maybe Sam should do the same thing.   
"Um, I should go. I'll...See you later." He smirks, putting his hand on Brendan's shoulder. Brendan blushes, widening his eyes.   
"Bye..." Sam smiles, quickly taking his hand away. He turns around, beginning to walk back towards the entrance of the room.  
"Bye, Sammy..." He hears Brendan call out.  
Sam grins.   
What Brendan doesn't know won't hurt him. But what he THINKS he knows WILL hurt him.  
Later on, at the end of the day, Lauren catches up with Sam.   
"Hey."  
"Hey, what's up?" Sam asks, focused on walking to his locker.  
She follows him, and watches him put in his combination.   
"We need to go on a fake date tonight." She tells him.  
Now holding his books in his arms, he turns to her. "Why?" He closes the locker door.   
"The guy I like-Drew. From Math class. You know him, right?"  
"Yeah?" Sam raises his eyebrows.   
"He's going on a date to the bowling alley with Fiona Greenwell tonight. So..."  
"So you wanna go on a 'date' to the bowling alley?" Sam concludes. He starts to wonder how long she's actually liked Drew, considering she was enjoying seeing Brendan.   
"Only if you're up for it."   
"Sure. What about the project?"   
"We can focus on that tomorrow in study hall. Come to my house around seven, and we'll go to the bowling alley from there. See ya." She smiles slightly, before walking off.  
Sam sighs, yet shrugs, seeing why not.  
Lauren will make Drew jealous, and Sam will hopefully-make Brendan jealous.

"I have a beard." Sam informs Dean, once they're both home. Dean scoffs. "You WISH you could grow facial hair."  
"Not that kind of beard. It's a term for like, a cover up. That Lauren girl? She broke up with Brendan and now she's pretending to be my girlfriend."   
"Does Brendan know that she knows he's gay?"  
"Yeah."  
"And, he's cool with you two pretending to casually go out with each other?"  
"Uh, he doesn't exactly know that we're...Pretending."  
Dean frowns. "Sam, don't be an asshole."  
"I'm not being an asshole! It's not like THEIR relationship MEANT anything to him."   
"I know, but still-don't you think he's bound to get a TEENY bit jealous, due to his feelings for you?"  
"He doesn't HAVE feelings for me" Sam purposely denies.  
"He DOES have feelings for you, and you know it. Why AREN'T you telling him you're only pretending to date Lauren? Hm? Oh that's right, because you want to make him jealous because YOU LIKE HIM!" Dean exclaims, raising his eyebrows with sass.   
Sam gawks. "Quit figuring me out so easily!" He yells.   
Dean cackles. "I don't understand. You two obviously like each other. Why don't you just date him? Doesn't have to be public or anything." Dean crosses his arms.  
"It's just...Complicated, Dean."  
"No shit. You going to your 'beards' house tonight?"   
"Yeah. We're going bowling. She's trying to make some guy she likes jealous."  
Dean rolls his eyes. "If she likes 'some guy', what was she doing dating Brendan?"   
"Maybe she just started liking him. I dunno. She could probably sense that something was going on with him."  
A few hours later, when Sam exits the motel to head to Lauren's house, John's pickup truck is parked out front. He freezes. He watches John exit the vehicle, and slam the door shut. Sam flinches.   
John notices him.   
"Sam."  
"Hey..." Sam speaks hesitantly.   
"I just came back to pick up some lore. It's gonna be a couple more weeks. Long hunt. I'll be in Wisconsin.  
"Fine by me."  
"Why?" John begins to pry. A scared look crosses Sam's face. "Nothing, just...I like it here."   
"Well don't get too used to it. Expect about four more weeks or less. Tops."  
Sam bites his bottom lip.   
"Where are you off to?"   
"Bowling."   
"With who?"  
"A guy. I'll probably fuck him behind the building," Sam says this only to piss him off.   
He begins walking past him.   
"By the way, my PHASE isn't over yet. And it never will be."  
Sam flips him off, before sprinting away.  
After Lauren opens the door to Sam standing on her porch, she smiles "Hey! You ready?"   
"Yeah" Sam smiles, still feeling tense after snapping at John like he did.   
"Mom, Sam's here! We'll be back soon!" She yells out, previously telling her mother about how they were going bowling.   
"Okay, stay safe! Sure you don't need a ride?"  
"We're fine!"  
Lauren steps out on the porch, closing the door.  
"Shall we?" Sam teases.   
"We shall."  
Walking into the bowling alley parking lot, Sam asks her "Are you sure they're here?"  
"I know it. I heard them discuss the time and everything." She looks at him.  
"You alright?" She asks, as Sam opens one of the two front doors. He holds it open for her, and watches them walk inside. He follows her, letting the door close behind him.   
"You seem tense." She finishes. They stand in the lobby of the venue.   
"Yeah, just...I stood up to my Dad."  
"About what?"   
"Just...We don't exactly have the best father son relationship, and...Yeah." Is all he decides to explain. "Oh. Well, at least you have the guts to actually say something."  
Sam shrugs. "Yeah, uh...You wanna get our shoes?"  
They tell the man at the front desk their shoe sizes, finding two different pairs of shoes that fit them.   
They enter the actual bowling alley, and Sam asks "Do you see them anywhere yet?"  
"Not yet. Let's just start bowling. It would be a waste of time if we didn't."  
And they do.   
Lauren smiles, getting a spare.   
"You're pretty good at this" Sam tells her. "Thanks" she smiles, looking at him.   
It's Sam's turn, and he only knocks four pins down. "We should've gotten bumpers," Lauren smiles.   
"'Life doesn't give you bumpers'" Sam quotes in a teasing tone. "You saw that movie?" She asks. "Yeah. Boring as hell, though."   
She laughs.   
He gets a spare like she did, and they high five, before both chuckling.   
They go to the snack bar, where they pay for two slurpies.   
"So do you think they'll show up?" Sam asks, almost forgetting the reason Lauren wanted him to come here with her. He takes the two drinks off the counter, and she accidentally takes his from him. Neither of them notice.   
"I don't know. But I don't really care about that anymore. I'm having fun." She smiles at him. He blushes. "I am too" he admits.  
She takes a sip of his drink, gagging and forcing herself to swallow down the liquid. "Ew. This is yours" she teases, shoving it back in his right hand. He laughs, handing her the correct one. "Don't be a blue raspberry hater" he tells her, making her cringe yet laugh.   
"So, what makes you like Drew all of a sudden?" He decides to ask, taking a sip of his drink.  
"I guess I was starting to like him near the end of Brendan and I's 'relationship'. I always knew something was up with Brendan. I just couldn't tell what."  
Sam nods, heat rising to his cheeks at the thought of him. "Yeah...Well, whether Drew's here or not, I'm glad I came here with you tonight."  
She smiles. "I'm glad you did too."  
At the end of their 'date', walking in the dark parking lot almost two hours later, Lauren asks Sam "So would you count this as a real 'date'?"   
Sam chuckles. Drew and Fiona never showed up, not that either of them mind.  
"Up to you" he answers, secretly hoping that she does think of it as a real date.   
"So, why DO you want to pretend to date me?" They stop walking and face each other.  
He takes her hand in his.   
"I don't think I want to pretend anymore..." He admits.


	11. The Razor's Edge (Or In This Case Knife)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam's tired of being rejected by others, so he starts rejecting himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. This chapter deals with very sensitive subjects. I have to put out a major trigger warning.

Part Eleven: The Razor's Edge (Or In This Case Knife)  
Lauren steps back, at what Sam had just revealed to her. She lets out a hitch breath of air. "Sam, wow, are you serious...?" She makes sure. "Yeah..." He answers, flashing a charming grin.   
"I'm flattered."  
"I'm glad-"  
"But I really think we should just stay friends..."  
"Why?" His tone has turned sour. "Just, don't get me wrong; you're a GREAT guy, but...Did you really think this was an actual DATE?" The way she asks her question isn't rather insulting, but simply baffled at Sam's notions.  
"Um...What?" He scoffs casually. "No..." He forces a small smile as he scratches the back of his neck. "I had fun. I did. Just...Not the kind of fun you had." She reveals.  
"Oh..."  
"But I can still PRETEND to be your girlfriend...!" Her tone is weak with a tad of attempted cheeriness.  
"That is the worst thing a girl can say to a guy after friend zoning him, ever." His jaw his clenched, eyes lit with anger.  
"'Friend zoning' you?"  
"I mean, that IS what you just did, isn't it?"  
"I think I should go, Sam."  
"What?" His tone turns from sour, to flat out disappointed.  
"I'll see ya..." She turns away. "But I thought you said you had fun!" He tries to coax. She tries walking away, but he grabs her arm. "I am NOT letting you walk home alone. I can barely see you in this darkness."  
"Sam, I'm fine. Now let me go."  
"No, Lauren-"   
"Geez!" She exclaims, grabbing his wrist and pushing it away. He can barely see the glare she's giving him.  
"Goodbye, Sam." Her tone is fresh.  
She walks far off into the distance, until Sam can't hear her footsteps anymore.   
As quietly as he can, he follows her anyway. Just a few miles down from her house, two older boys seem to show up from an unknown direction. They corner her.   
"What are you doing walking out here alone?" One asks. Sam freezes in his tracks, only a few feet behind them.  
"Fuck off." Lauren snaps. "Come on, we won't bite" teases the other. "And your intentions are to what?" Sam grills, finally making Lauren jump and notice him. "What the hell are you doing here, Sam?" She flares.   
"Get out of here before I knock some sense into you." Sam ignores her, focusing on the predators. He steps towards them. They cringe at him. "I said GO!" He shouts, pushing one backwards.   
The boys' first instincts are to punch him vigorously. Lauren shrieks. "STOP!" She shouts. They do so, Sam's face resulting in loads of bruises, a black eye, and bloody nose. The boys' take off, sprinting as far away as they can. "Asshole!!" She screams to them.   
Moments pass. Lauren finally looks at him. "Thanks..."  
"Yeah..."  
"You know this doesn't change anything I just told you, right?"  
"I know." He insists on leading her the rest of the way home, and she has no choice but to give in.   
Sam returns home. "Dean?" He calls out, walking into the kitchen. On the counter he sees a note resting.  
'Went to the store. Be back shortly'.  
Sam sighs, taking it and throwing it in the trash.   
He takes out his cellphone, calling John.  
It goes to his voicemail, after just two rings. John had declined the call.  
"Hey Dad...So, guess what?" He starts pacing around the living room. Blood that leaks from his nose, drips onto the floor and stains the carpet. He wipes tears that release from his eyes. He wipes his nose with his free fist, snot and blood now covering so.  
"I just 'went out' with a girl. Fuckin' rejected me. Just wanted to let you in on that you sick, heartless senseless BASTARD. That makes everything okay, right? 'Cause she's a fuckin' girl? If it was a guy who rejected me you would've told me it was a sign, or some shit. But what? Since it's a girl...What, more fucking fish in the sea, am I right?"  
He pauses. "Fuck you, Dad..." Is the last thing he whispers, before hanging up. He breaks down into sobs, deciding to call Brendan.   
Automatic voice message after six rings.  
The beep sounds.  
"Hi Brendan, uh...It's me. Sam. Winchester. I only say that because I...I don't want you forgetting about me. I fear that you'll forget me one day. I don't want you to forget me, and I sure as hell know that I don't want to forget you. I...I uh miss you, and..." He begins crying again. "I just feel really, fucked up right now, okay? And I'm sorry I'm bothering you with my bullshit. But enough about me. Are you okay? How are you? I want to know how you are." He sniffles, trying to figure out his next set of words. "I'm tired...Of trying to figure myself out. I'm tired of feelings. I'm tired of feeling PERIOD. You know how they say life is a gift? Well this is a gift that I want to throw out. I-I- Don't be mad. Please." He pleads, walking around the motel some more.  
"Tell Dean I love him. Because I don't think I can do it myself."  
He waits a long pause, to say one last thing before hanging up.  
"Tell my Dad he got his wish."  
He shouts, chucking his phone against the wall with a bang.   
He lets out a long shriek, looking up at the ceiling with tear covered cheeks, and depressed eyes.   
He scowls back down at the walls surrounding him. His ears buzz, and his face burns. There's something inside him that he wants to make snap. An anger that he wants to release. Release on himself.

At his own home, Brendan receives the voicemail.  
"MOM!!! I'M GOING OUT!!!" Are the only things he can find himself shouting in distress. Barefoot and lacking a jacket to keep him warm, he sprints all the way to the motel, only stopping for short seconds at time to catch breath.   
He and Dean enter the lot at the same time. "DEAN!!" He shouts, as Dean exits the impala, slamming the door closed. He flinches, and looks at him.  
"What?" He's agitated. "I need to see Sam."   
"He's out somewhere." Dean doesn't want to tell him details. "But h-he just left me a message, and-"  
"You can see him tomorrow."  
"I need to see him NOW! Now, I know I haven't been the best, with...Expressing my feelings, okay? I know I've hurt him. But I don't wanna HURT him anymore. Let me see him! Please."  
Dean ignores him, attempting to open the door. He frowns, seeing that it won't do so, and uses his keys to get inside.  
"Dean, stop. Stop ignoring me. CALL Sam. See where he is!" Brendan screams, as he follows him into the motel.  
"What kind of MESSAGE did he LEAVE YOU?!" Dean demands, now just plain annoyed.   
They see the sight at the same time.  
In the living room, against the back wall, sits a crying Sam.  
Both of his wrists are slit. Pints of blood leak out of the cuts, down the rest of his arms, and stain the carpet in small puddles. A knife sits right in front of his right wrist.  
Brendan's mouth drops open, but he can't say anything. He can't even feel himself crying. Dean pants in despair, holding back tears. "Stay with him; I'm gonna call the cops and get some towels!" He screams, taking out his phone and running into the bathroom.  
Brendan continues crying, and kneels down next to Sam. "Hey. Hey." He whispers, too scared to look at him. Sam moans in pain. "Brendan...You're here." He speaks shyly.  
"Yeah, I'm here I'm here" Brendan speaks, leaning Sam's head on his shoulder and kissing his forehead. "I got you." He squeezes both of his hands.  
"Nine one one what's your emergency?"  
"My brother just slit his wrists I need an ambulance here NOW!"  
The address is informed.   
"Okay sir. We'll be there as fast as he can."  
"Get here NOW! He's BLEEDING!"  
"We're sending an ambulance out right now, sir. They'll be there shortly."  
He hangs up, before getting three towels and running back over to them.  
Brendan holds Sam in his arms, Sam crying into his chest. Dean cleans up what he can, and waits with them until the ambulance arrives.


	12. Underestimation Is A Killer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter displays the aftermath of the incident

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. Feedback is appreciated <3

Part Twelve: Underestimation Is A Killer  
Dean's had three cups of coffee, in the course of only under two hours. Numbly sitting in the waiting room, waiting for Sam to be patched up, he watches Brendan pace anxiously, like he's been doing for the past ten minutes.  
"Brendan, stop it."  
Brendan does so, but glares at him. "I'm worried, okay?!" He points to him.  
"You don't think I'm worried too?! I feel like SHIT! I'm his older FUCKING brother. I'm supposed to prevent this stuff from happening. I'm SUPPOSED to take care of him..." Tears make their way out of his eyes.  
"You're not supposed to take care of him, Dean. You're supposed to make sure he takes care of himself..." Brendan shyly corrects.  
"Well I failed at that too!" Dean begins sobbing. Not knowing what else to do, Brendan sits down next to him, resting his hand on his shoulder. "No you didn't...Don't blame yourself. Neither of you should be blaming you."  
"Don't go blaming YOURSELF either, Brendan."  
"I'm not..." Brendan fibs, taking his hand away. "I just...Don't wanna lose him. I know you don't either."   
One of Sam's doctors walks out. The two boys stand up instantly. "Is he okay?" Dean asks.  
"He's going to be fine. We stopped the bleeding, bandaged his cuts. We had to put him on an IV due to the increasing amount of blood loss. He's conscious."  
Dean's heart drops into his stomach.  
Brendan gets a bad taste in his mouth.   
"Can-Can I see him...?" Dean pleads, holding back his tears. His voice still breaks.  
He looks at Brendan. "I'll wait here. You should see him alone...I'll go in afterwards." He insists.   
"Are you family?" The doctor asks him.   
"Yes." He doesn't care if he has to lie to see him.   
Unexpectedly, Jeanette shows up. Brendan looks at her. "Mom I told you you didn't have to pick me up..." He informs her.  
"I decided to come anyway. It's getting late, Brendan."  
"I don't CARE! I'm GOING to see him!" He yells to her, clenching his fists.  
"And how are you related to the patient?" The doctor asks Jeanette.  
"Related? I'm not."  
The doctor looks back at Brendan. "So you're NOT, related to Samuel?"  
"I'M NOT, OKAY; BUT HE'S STILL MY FRIEND AND I WANNA SEE HIM!" Brendan shouts, before dropping to his knees and sobbing. Dean blinks back more tears, at the sight of him. "Brendan, let's go." Jeanette walks toward her son, who's still sobbing on the floor. "NO, NO!! MOM!!!" He shrieks, as she picks him up. "You won't be able to see him until he gets out anyway, baby." She speaks quietly. "Um, Miss, I can..." Dean trails off in a whisper, trying to compromise with Jeannette. "I can drop him off."  
"I'll take him. It's fine...I hope Sam ends up okay."  
Brendan continues to shriek, sob, and scream, as Jeanette carries him out of the room.   
It's the second most heartbreaking thing Dean has seen all night. The first thing shouldn't be very hard to guess.  
Brendan sobs in the backseat, all the way home.   
He's still a wreck, as he and Jeanette enter the house.   
"Is he alright?" Maria asks, knowing that something had happened to Sam.   
"He'll be fine..." Brendan answers, before stomping into his room and slamming the door.   
Maria follows him, seeing Brendan sobbing into his mattress, once she enters the dark room.  
"Why are you still crying if you know he'll be alright?" She asks.  
"Just go away, Maria."  
She figures out what she can, in that moment.  
"Do you love him?"  
"JESUS, MARIA. GET OUT!!!"  
Scared of this new side of her brother, she listens. She makes sure to keep the door open just in case.  
Hesitantly, Dean enters the room Sam is staying in, an IV attached into his right arm. He looks exhausted. Dazed. Dean's able to tell that he's not even fully awake. His eyes are almost fully closed. "Hey kiddo..."  
This makes Sam's eyes shoot all the way open, and his bodies lurch up straight. "Dean."   
His brother studies the bandages tied around his wrists, slight sights of blood visibly leaking through. He blinks back tears.   
"How do you feel...?" He doesn't know how to start. What do you say to your brother, who's just awaken in the hospital, after they've slit their wrists?  
He walks over to his bed, sitting down on the edge.   
"Alright...Hazy. Shitty."  
Dean bites his bottom lip. "They're gonna keep you overnight..." He informs.  
"I don't wanna stay overnight. I wanna go home. With you."  
"You seriously think of our shit motel as home?"  
"Well, yeah. I mean, ever since we've been on the road, this is the longest we've ever stayed anywhere ever. I'm...I'm getting used to this place."   
Dean nods, slowly ruffling Sam's hair. "Sam...Why would you...Why would you wanna do something like this to yourself? You know I love you...You know I would CARE...If something happened to you..." He fights back more tears.  
"I know...I guess...I guess, at the moment, I just didn't care."  
"Brendan says you left him a voicemail. Why didn't you leave me a message?"  
"Would've been too painful."  
This sends a look of devastation onto Dean's face. "I can't...I can't say goodbye to you, Dean."  
"Then why'd you try to end it?" Dean's tone shows no remorse.  
Sam flinches. "I...I was tired of being rejected. Unaccepted. I don't want to be a burden, anymore."  
"You never WERE a burden, Sam!"  
"Yes I am! I always HAVE been. Dad is living proof. I KILLED Mom. That's why he hates me. So I felt like...If I killed myself, maybe he wouldn't-"  
"Stop talking. Stop talking, now. I can't hear you talking about yourself like this. So what if Dad doesn't care about you? He doesn't care about ME either. All that matters, is that WE care about EACH OTHER. Ya hear? And I care about you. More than anything else in this fucked up world."  
"I care about you too."  
"Then why'd you try leaving me?!" Dean screams, unable to hold back his tears, now.  
"It wasn't you I wanted to leave, Dean! It was ME!" Sam yells to him.  
"You need to start giving yourself credit, Sam! Do you not know how smart you are? Or nice? You may feel misunderstood, but you're not. I get you. I know practically everything about you. You can trust me. Please know that you can trust me. I got you. If you EVER, and I mean EVER, feel like doing this again, TELL me. For the love of God, tell me. I'll do whatever I can to stop it."  
It's then, when Sam leans over and hugs him. Tears go down Dean's face, when he hugs him back.   
Not only does he simply hold him, but he squeezes him tight. Once he saw his brother sitting like that on the floor, with blood leaking out of his wrists and a broken look in his eyes, he didn't know if we was ever going to be able to hold him again.   
And now that he knows he can, he's never going to take it for granted.  
Sam eventually pulls away, looking back into his eyes. "Um...Is Brendan, alright?"  
"He's a wreck."  
"He...He is?"  
Dean scoffs. "You're seriously underestimating how much he cares about you, man. His Mom picked him up. He didn't want to leave. She had to carry him out while he was breaking down again. He tried to lie, saying he was related to you just to get in. He cares about you SO much, Sam. And he's not the only one."  
Sam's speechless, until he finally knows what to say.  
"You're...You're not making that up?"  
"That would be a really shitty thing to lie about to your brother who just tried to kill himself, Sam."  
He gulps. "Wow..." Is all he can manage to say. "Yep. I'm tellin' you, man. He has some serious feelings for you...See? Now that you're not dead, you can live happily ever after with him." He lightly hits his shoulder.  
"I don't think it's that easy, Dean." Sam anxiously stares into space.  
"You'll see him tomorrow. Don't throw this away, Sam. Like you said...He's worth it."  
"Yeah, he is." Sam mutters, looking back at him.  
"He cares deeply for you. I mean, not as deeply as I care for you, but whatever."  
This makes Sam laugh. "Get some rest. I'll get your phone for you so you can text him. I'm gonna stay here overnight, alright? Be right back." Dean kisses the top of his head, before standing up and exiting the room.  
Sam lays down, and stares at the ceiling above him in a daze.  
Dean walks back out into the waiting room, retrieving Sam's half charged phone, that he's been keeping under the cushion of the seat he's been sitting in. He senses someone staring at him. Once he sees who that someone is, he almost drops the phone.  
"Dad..."   
John walks out of the doorway, and over closer to his son.   
"How'd you know that this is the hospital we'd be at...?"  
"I got Sam's message. Went back to the motel. Saw all the blood on the floor and knew that this was the nearest hospital. Can I see him?"  
"Why do you CARE?!" Dean starts shouting. "Quit acting like you DO!"  
"He's my son, Dean."  
"I'm your son, too!" He begins crying. "You've never cared about either of us! If you did you never would've sucked us into this damn life! And if you cared about Sam you would've accepted him! But you can't! Because you're a terrible human being! Who cares if it makes him slightly different from other people, Dad?! He's already different! Are you FORGETTING the life we live?!" He rants.   
"Dean, I know I've been-"  
"It's too late, okay?! Dammit Dad the boy that he's known from school for only a month has cared about him more than you ever have for the past SIXTEEN years."  
"Is this the same boy that-"  
"Yes, Dad. It's the 'same' boy."   
He notices the frustrated look on John's face, and scowls. "You'll never be okay with this, will you?"  
"Do we have a problem here?" The receptionist finally decides to intervene. "Yes, we do. Get him out of here. I don't want him seeing my brother." Dean snarls.  
"Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to leave." The woman tells John.  
"I'm his father."  
"Doesn't mean you're a GOOD one!" Dean barks. "Sir, please. Or I'm going to have to call security."   
John is speeches. He glares at Dean, who is returning back the same expression.  
He listens, and obeys their order. Dean sighs, thanking the nurse.  
"That your Dad?"  
"Yeah...That's my Dad."  
"I'm sorry."  
"Me too." He walks back into Sam's room, clutching the phone in his hand. He sees him half asleep, in his bed.  
"Sammy?" He asks quietly. His eyes flutter open, and he sits up. "Oh. Thank you." He notices that Dean has his phone. "Yeah." Dean sets the phone in his hands. "No porn right now, though, okay?" He jokes.  
Sam scoffs. "Ha-ha. Thanks."   
Dean winks, and exits the room. He doesn't dare mention John, knowing it'll just fuck up Sam even more. He closes the door behind him. Sam instantly finds Brendan's contact in his phone.  
'Hi'. He simply texts.  
Brendan's been waiting for that text. He rests his eyes, laying in his dark room on his bed. With his phone held protectively in his hands. The vibration coming from the device makes him jump. He opens his eyes and scatters to set the phone in front of his eyes.  
He gasps, seeing the text from who he's been waiting to hear from all night.  
'Are you alright???' He sends instantly. The question is stupid, but right now he feels it's appropriate.  
'I'm feeling better. I'm sorry.'  
'Why are you sorry?'  
'Because I probably scarred you for life. Never wanna put you in that position again.'  
'It's fine. All that matters is you're okay. I was going to stay at the hospital, but my mom made me leave.'  
'Yeah, I heard. Thank you for trying through.'   
Brendan blushes, at the fact that Sam knows how desperate he was to see him. 'Of course...I miss you.' His hands shake as he sends the text.  
Sam's face lights up, a grin crossing his face once he reads those last three words.   
'I miss you too. Fuck I miss you a lot. I wish you were here.' Sam doesn't even care that he's pouring his heart out right now.  
Brendan laughs and cries happy tears after reading what Sam had sent.   
'I wish I was there too. I promise I'll find a way to see you tomorrow.'   
Sam continues smiling. 'Can't wait to see you again...Thanks for making me feel safe when everything was happening.'  
'Of course. I miss you. Sorry. I keep saying that. I'm just really really glad you're okay,'  
'I miss you more. Are you okay?'  
'I am now. That's not possible btw. How do you feel?'  
Sam chuckles. 'Exhausted. But I wanna keep talking to you.'  
Brendan wants the same, but knows that sleep is more important right now. 'Get some sleep. I'll see you tomorrow. I promise.'  
Sam smiles, tears burning his eyes.  
'You should sleep too.'   
'Sweet dreams, Sammy.'  
Not only does Sam text back a smiley face, but he sends a heart, as well.   
And he means that heart very damn much.


	13. Place And Time:

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam's addmited into a psychiatric ward. But that doesn't stop Brendan from seeing him, nor another familiar face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to @willtolive for leaving me such an amazing comment and motivating me to continue writing this! I hope I don't disappoint you with this :)

Part Thirteen: Place And Time:  
Dean's heart drops, when Sam's nurse recommends to him personally, that Sam checks into a psychiatric ward for three days and nights.   
"Once he's home he'll be fine...I'll take care of him..."  
"We understand that, Mr. Winchester, but it's highly recommended that victims of attempted suicide and self-harm go under psychiatric care."  
"He's not _fucking_ self harming himself...!" Dean knows he isn't.   
"Yes, but, it's still pretty clear that he attempted suicide--"  
"You can't make him."  
"We know. But, please think about it, Mr. Winchester..."   
She leaves him to sit alone in the waiting room, head in his hands.  
 _'I already just lost him, now they want to separate us for three days?'_  
But after some long and hard thinking, he seems to understand what the nurse was saying.   
•••  
"Am I going home?" Is the first thing that Sam asks his brother the next morning, after Dean's arrived inside his room.  
"Um, you see Sammy..." He's hesitant.  
"They're keeping me longer...?"  
"They, were, uh...Recommending you go in a psych ward for three days."  
Sam's heart bellows, his face paling deeply. He's had nightmares about those places. He's had himself thinking that only the really mentally deranged people go there. But maybe it's not that simple.   
Maybe it's not just for people with violent outrages, or people who rock back and forth in a corner saying they hear voices in their heads.  
"When would they take me...?"  
"You...You really want to?" Dean's surprised, maybe even a little saddened.  
"Maybe it'll help..." He sees the emotion in his eyes.  
"It's three days."  
"I know...But, I'm willing..."  
"Brendan?"  
A lump enters Sam's throat.   
"He'll be worth the wait."  
•••  
Day One:  
No sharp objects, no shoe laces, no hair straighteners/curlers, elastics, or anything that you could possibly hurt yourself with.  
The people that are extremely mentally damaged scare Sam too much to hang around, and the people that _are_ on Sam's stability level, don't even acknowledge him.  
His roommate doesn't talk to him, but he's pretty certain that's for an emotional reason; not trying to take it personally.  
He feels like he's the only patient that doesn't take any medication.  
At lunch, it's hard to watch a decent amount of girls-and guys-refuse to eat their meals. They cry, scream, and yell, sometimes even having to be held down.  
Apparently the only solution is to force feed them calories through a tube, so they're properly dieted.   
He slowly walks across the cafeteria in observation, holding his tray of barely half decent looking food.  
Even psych wards seem to have cliques.  
The cutters. Druggies. Pill poppers.  
Even the anorexics and bulimics seem to sit at separate tables.  
He's fascinated that there's people of all ages; the youngest he's seen being a little girl at the age of possibly seven, the oldest being a few elders that look to be in their late sixties to late seventies.  
He sees the little girl sitting alone at a table, middle aged female aid by her side watching her eat.  
He approaches them. "Hi. I'm Sam, could I sit here?" He asks the aid, first.  
She can tell he looks to be stable.   
"Is that okay with you, Katie?" She looks at the beautiful girl with big round blue eyes, and auburn hair.   
"Okay..." She doesn't see why not.   
So he does.  
"I'm Sam." He speaks gently.  
"Hi..."  
"Is it okay if I ask why you're here?"  
She looks at her aid who nods a yes, before looking back at him.  
"I tried to hurt my little sister because people kept telling me to..."  
"Oh..." He doesn't know why he's so surprised, considering they're literally sitting in a psychiatric ward at the moment. He can only assume she's been diagnosed with schizophrenia.  
"Who were these people?" He asks.  
"My friends in my head."  
"Ah..." He understands. "Well does your sister know you're sorry?"  
"Yeah...My mommy said she doesn't want her around me anymore. But I love her. She knows my friends were telling me to. But...Maybe they're not my friends."  
"I wouldn't call them your friends if they're telling you to do bad things."  
"Yeah...They've been with me for so long, though...I haven't heard them in a while."  
"That's great." He's glad.  
"Why are _you_ here?" She asks back.  
"Um..." How does he make this sound non-brutal as possible?  
"I tried to hurt myself. Because I didn't like who I was. But now I'm trying to like myself again." He explains.  
"Oh...My daddy hurt himself."  
His eyes widen with sincerity. "He did...?"  
"Yeah. A few weeks ago. Because he wasn't happy. But...I know he's happy in heaven."  
He nods. "He is. You don't have to worry about him not being happy anymore..."  
He finally starts to eat some of his food.  
"Fuck off!" A teenage girl screams to another, at a far away table in the room.   
"Hey! Lizzie!" Katie's aid steps away to deal with that, and Sam looks at the girl in comfort.  
"It's okay. I see these things happen every day."  
"How long have you been here?"  
"Eleven days."  
"Does your Mom ever come to visit you?"  
"Yeah. Every few days. She never brings my sister...I miss her."  
Swallowing nervously, Sam nods in understanding.  
"I'm sure you'll see her again. Um, I have a brother." He decides to bring up.  
"Did you try to hurt him?"  
"No...He's older. He'll come to visit me when it's time to." Visiting hours are from one p.m to five p.m.  
"Can I meet him?" She's hopeful.  
"Uh, yeah..." He smiles at her.  
"Cool." For the first time in his sight, she smiles back.  
•••  
"Dean!" Sam exclaims, running up to and hugging him once he sees that he's there.  
"Hey, Sammy..." He whispers, ruffling his hair. "You doing okay?" He wonders, after Sam's stepped away and looked into his eyes.  
"Yeah. The bed's not that comfy, but neither are the ones we sleep at home, so..."  
"The food?"  
"Alright. I can stomach it."  
"See any crazy shit?"  
"I've seen people be held down and sedated. This one girl my age with borderline personality-I think-bit her nurse."  
Dean can't help but chuckle at that, and Sam glares at him.  
"My roommate is mute. I dunno why. Maybe it's a trauma thing. But, he's a year younger than me. And, there's this little girl with schizophrenia who's really cute."  
"Your only friend is a little girl?"  
"Shut up."   
Dean snickers.   
"Mommy!" That same girl smiles, to the woman who-despite trying to not look scared-picks her up in her arms.  
"Having a good day, Katie?"  
"Yeah." She smiles, being set down on her feet.  
"When can I see Natalie?"  
The woman's face drops.  
"Soon, sweetie."   
"I won't hurt her mommy. I promise."   
"I know, but..." She sighs. "Let's sit down."   
The brothers watch them do so.  
"That's her." Sam points out.  
"Ah...You think the schizophrenia made her hurt her sister?"  
"Yeah."  
"Oh..."   
The subject changes.  
"I talked to Brendan. Says he misses you." Dean flicks his eyebrows.  
Of course, Sam blushes. "What...?"  
"Yeah. He totally gets why you wanted to stay here for a bit."  
"Yeah..." Sam can't help but feel embarrassed, biting the inside of his cheek and looking away.  
"What's wrong?"  
"Nothing..." He claims, returning eye contact.  
"I'm just...Surprised, that he's so...Accepting of this. Ya know?"  
"He likes you, man. Get used to it."  
Sam chuckles, sitting down on one of the plush couches with him.  
"Well, when you see him...Tell him I miss him do."  
"Will do, Sammy."  
Katie voluntarily walks over to them.   
"Dean, this is Katie." He tells him.  
"Hey champ." Dean greets her.  
"Hi."  
"Katie, this is my older brother Dean."  
"Hi." She repeats.  
"Is that your Mom over there?" He points over to the woman carelessly texting.  
"Yeah. I wish she bought my sister. She sent me here because I tried to hurt her. But I don't want to anymore. It was just my head telling to." She explains the story again.  
"So I've heard."   
"Honey, I have to go." Her mother announces to her, not even sounding sorry.  
"Why...?"  
"I have to pick Natalie up from daycare."  
"Can you bring her back here? There's still plenty of time to visit."  
"Maybe another day, sweetie."   
Katie looks as if she might cry, when witnessing her mother leave.   
The boys feel stiff, their mouths dry.  
"Want me and Dean to play some games with you...?" Sam suggests, hoping that'll cheer her up.  
Her face lights up almost instantly.  
"Okay!"  
They play games, the contact sports available, and activities with her, until it's time for Dean to leave.  
Sam tells him to tell Brendan that he misses him too, excited when Dean tells him he can try to get Brendan to tag along with him tomorrow.  
Sam isn't the only one who gives him a hug, when it's time for him to go.  
•••  
Day Two:  
That morning, Sam wakes up in his bed to see that his roommate-Eli-isn't sleeping in his bed. He shrugs, figuring he's in the bathroom, or maybe chatting with his therapist.  
His question is answered, when he opens his closet to retrieve his change of required clothes.  
He covers his mouth to muffled his screams. Shaking and crying, he makes a beeline for the hallway.  
" _Somebody help!"_  
•••  
Waiting for one 'o clock to come around, Katie and Sam sit next to each other on the plush benches in the activities room where visitors are allowed.  
He shouldn't be so traumatized with the sight of Eli's body. He's seen plenty of dead bodies before, on hunts.  
Maybe it's so different this time around, because this was _suicide_.   
He saw Eli hanging from the closet with a towel around his neck.   
He's been informed that people he and his family were trying to help, had killed themselves, but he had never actually found the corpse dead.  
He wonders if he could've helped him. Just because Eli was silent, doesn't mean Sam couldn't have talked to him. Maybe that's what Eli needed. A voice. If not his own, someone else's.  
"I'm sorry about your roommate."   
He looks over at her.   
"Oh...We never really talked to each other..." He wants to avoid the subject of the actual offing.  
"It's okay. I know what happened. It happens here a lot. I found a girl your age trying to take too many pills." She shares.  
Too shocked to hear that coming from a seven year-old's mouth, Sam says nothing.  
"Is your brother visiting you today?"  
"Yeah. He might bring my friend with him, too." Sam blushes at the thought.  
"I don't think my mommy's going to visit me today..." She admits shamefully.  
He touches her shoulder. "She doesn't deserve you, Katie. You're such a sweet kid...You don't deserve to be let down like that."  
"Thank you...Has your mommy or daddy ever let you down?" She wonders.  
John instantly comes to mind. His face reddens.  
"Um, yeah..."   
When he's about to conclude his answer, he sees his father standing right there, in the now open doorway.  
His entire stomach drops. "Dad...?"  
Katie stands up. "You never told me you had a Dad."  
"Yeah, there's a reason...How'd you even _find_ me?" He walks closer to John with a glare.  
"Dean told me you were admitted to a psych ward about what happened. I knew this was the closest one, and I asked to visited you."  
It feels as if there's cotton balls in Sam's throat.  
"You can't just show up now..." He speaks softly.  
"I'm trying to help you, Samuel. You don't belong here. You're fine."  
" _Fine?! I tried to slit my wrists!"_ He screams to him, making Katie flinch.  
A nurse rushes over to the two of them.   
"Is there a problem here?" She asks them.  
"I don't want him here." Sam gets straight to the point.  
"You don't need to be here Sam. I'm not trying to kidnap you. Just let me take you back to Dean."  
" _Dean_ is on his way, and won't be very happy when he sees that you're here. I still have one more day before I leave."  
"Wait...What?" Katie's eyes grow bigger than her stomach.  
Thinking she knew, Sam looks at her.  
"Um, yeah...I'm sorry, Katie."  
"But I don't want you to leave...!"  
Sam has no idea what to say. He doesn't dare want to hurt the poor girl.  
The nurse makes the burdening mistake of walking away.  
Dean walks into the room, with someone else by his side.  
From ten feet away, Sam looks at Brendan straight in the eyes. No words come out of his dropped open mouth.  
Dean gasps, seeing John, who turns his attention to Brendan. Crossing his arms, he walks right over to him.  
Brendan stares up at him.  
"Um...Are you security...?"  
"He's our Dad..." Sam shallowly reveals, wishing that it wasn't so.  
"You fucking my kid?" John asks him abruptly. Sam cringes, tensing up and looking at Katie. "Katie go over there..." He whispers.  
Brendan's smug ass then says something that should _not_ be said.  
"Not _yet_." He raises his eyebrows, posture straightening.  
The brothers remain appalled.  
In response to that, John punches him right in the jaw.  
The yelling and the chaos begin right afterwards.


End file.
